theguy Reviews

The Marvels (2023)

Young Avengers will fail!

[1/10 · 11 February 2024]

If this movie is any indication of what the Young Avengers will become, then the Young Avengers is doomed to fail.

Don't get me wrong - I loved the first Captain Marvel movie. It was amazing. For the second Captain Marvel movie, I expected more of the same.

Instead, screen time had to be shared with two other "Captain Marvel want-to-be's". And neither one of them delivered - especially the child. She was completely unbelievable, and destroyed the fourth wall during the entire movie.

I wonder who Disney thinks is going to buy $20 movie tickets to see children pretend to be superheroes. Who is going to drive this child audience to the movie theater? Because they won't be able to drive themselves!

Disney is making a HUGE mistake taking the franchise in the direction of a child target audience.

Fool Me Once (2024)

Ridiculous

[3/10 · 30 January 2024]

Instead of being a very slow 8-hour miniseries, this story could have been a really good 2-hour movie.

The entire story is over acted, and over dramatized. The WAY over the top dramatic music is ridiculous, leading drama at every otherwise boring turn.

All of this lends itself to a 1980's American soap opera. Overdeveloping characters, over dramatizing everything - just wasting as much time as possible to get to the next soap commercial.

I want 8 hours of my life back!

Honestly, the whole miniseries is just awful.

Oh - one last thing.... The hero of the story is an expert army helicopter pilot. Or is she an expert hand-to-hand combat fighter? Or is she an expert murder mystery private detective? Or is she abnormally pretty to look at? Then again, she is insanely wealthy, so she might be Batman. No - this whole miniseries is simply ridiculous.

Only God Forgives (2013)

Just plain BAD.

[1/10 · 2 August 2023]

Slow, confusing, convoluted storytelling, with very little dialog. Dripping with racism. Graphic sex. Gruesome for absolutely no reason at all - at one point I asked myself if this was a horror film. I actually closed my eyes, it was so gruesome.

Honestly - it's like they wanted to see just how far they could go with shock value, and they far exceeded the limit.

This movie was a complete waste of my time. Absolutely zero redeeming value.

My wife actually got up and left. We both expected so much more of a movie with Ryan Gosling. This movie is proof that while bottom tier movie studios can hire anyone they want, it does not make their movie any better.

Tulsa King (2022– )

Turn off your brain!

[3/10 · 25 November 2022]

I was really looking forward to Tulsa King - but it gets SO many things wrong, it's just not watchable. Whoever wrote the script has no idea what happens in Tulsa, or how pot farms work, or how pot stores work, or how the banks and federal government are involved. Whoever wrote the script has no idea who Oklahoma people are, or how we behave, or what we do.

On the flip side, a lone gangster from New York wouldn't last very long in Oklahoma. While most Oklahomans are welcoming and friendly, there is a "militia" element that would "disappear" (or "redneck justice") a lone New York gangster very quickly and efficiently - which would make a much better story than what was written for Tulsa King.

In summary, if you like Tulsa King, you have absolutely no idea what really goes on in Oklahoma!

White Boy Rick (2018)

Should have been more!

[2/10 · 30 September 2022]

This movie should have been more than what it was. This is the kind of story that you can tell someone in 5 minutes - why was it made into a movie?

There are several excellent "I was a drug smuggler / dealer / cook / kingpin" stories - but White Boy Rick is a boring, slow, incredibly uninteresting story. Even the ending is boring - completely anticlimactic.

Maybe someone should make a movie about my life. I guarantee you it would be a better story than White Boy Rick. Did Rick sleep in the Sumatran Jungle for 3 weeks, during an earthquake, tsunami, and volcanic eruption? No. I think not.

Alas, the public would probably rate my life story as a 1-star review. But why would anyone care about White Boy Rick's story? It just boggles my mind why this was made into a movie. I expected much, MUCH more.

The Outfit (2022)

The Perfect Movie

[10/10 · 15 September 2022]

Absolutely wonderful movie! The acting! The music! The pace! The many, many, many twists and turns!

All this in a single storefront setting - I honestly don't know if this was ever a one act play in stage, but it could certainly be one.

Each actor chosen was perfect for the role they were playing. Everything in the shop certainly looked like it belonged in that time period.

Throw in a bit of late 1940's (early 1950's?) Chicago gangsters - it's a winning combination!

With respect to the movie title - does it describe the gangster organization, or the suit he is meticulously creating during the entire movie?

This just might be my favorite movie of all time! Why are you still reading this?! Go see it!

Where the Truth Lies (2005)

Convoluted

[2/10 · 30 August 2022]

Where The Truth Lies is a convoluted mess. It's a murder mystery where you are shown a possible scenario, which is proven wrong, shown another possible scenario, which is proven wrong, ad infinitum. Literally, wasting the viewers time, until the moment the truth is revealed - by which point, the viewer has been trained to not believe what he is seeing.

Aesop's Fable, "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" is a similar, but much faster paced and better version of Where The Truth Lies.

There is plenty of drug use, nudity, and graphic sex to distract the viewer from the convoluted plot. It is shocking this movie only got an "R" rating - someone at CARA must have been asleep during this movie, and missed several scenes. Caligula has nothing on Where The Truth Lies.

Just skip this movie - it's a waste of your time.

Waiting for the Barbarians (2019)

Didn't hold my interest

[4/10 · 29 August 2022]

I expected more. Wardrobe did a good job, and the acting was excellent, but the dialog (writing) and the story (writing) left much to be desired.

Much too simple and predictable, the story drags on and on. It simply did not hold my interest.

The editing department seemed to be on break too.... There were times where the story was left unsaid - fade to black and time passes, only to pick up again what seems like years later.

So much more could have been done with the magistrate's interaction with the townsfolk. We got a very small taste, which simply was not enough.

Though the wardrobe and acting was good, the simple, predictable story telling, with bad editing - this movie left much to be desired and did not hold my interest.

Last Man Down (2021)

Laughable

[1/10 · 3 June 2022]

Shockingly bad. It's supposed to be an American action movie (???), but all the actors have a thick accent and use slang incorrectly - it's laughable.

White paint on the hero's face? Laughable.

I have seen some really good foreign films - they were good because they didn't try to mimic Hollywood. They did their own thing.

Last Man Down is just plain bad.

Sideways (2004)

Awful

[1/10 · 29 May 2022]

Awful. Boring. A complete waste of my time. My 8 year old could make a better movie than this.

Literally nothing happens. This movie was made by a Californian, in California, about California wine, in California. Maybe if you are from California and think California is the greatest state in the union (HA!), you might think this movie is good - but the rest of the world does not care anything for California.

Bug (2006)

Awful

[1/10 · 3 May 2022]

Supposed to be set in Oklahoma, but clearly filmed in the California desert, complete with evaporators, aqueducts, and bad acting.

And who uses the word "hellskatoot"? Really?!

Outer Range (2022– )

Amazing Storytelling

[10/10 · 16 April 2022]

This show has everything - it's Yellowstone meets Signs, with time travel, and a little Greek mythology mixed in.

There are little things, that (if you miss them) seem like continuity errors, or perhaps poor writing - but there is time travel involved here! It's actually extremely well written - you just have to pay attention and remember the oddities, which will be answered later (chronologically speaking).

Outer Range is going to be my new "must see" show each week.

Passport to the World: Route 66 (2019)

Just plain bad

[1/10 · 11 April 2022]

Is it just me, or does the viewer expect the writer and director to be somewhat of an expert on the subject of the show?

The writer / director of Passport to the World: Route 66 is clearly no expert.

Names of towns are grossly mispronounced. The word "wigwam" is mispronounced 14 times - cringeworthy! Distance is stated in kilometers instead of miles several times - clearly not a local Route 66 expert!

Who is going to trust someone as an "expert" if they can't even pronounce "CONOCO" (as in "CONOCO Phillips") correctly?

The trip is taken in a 1976 AMC Matador - much too modern to be considered a classic Route 66 vehicle. The chase vehicle is seen tailgating the hero car throughout the film - just awful videography!

Roadside attractions are focused on businesses which seem to have paid for placement in this video - completely bypassing the REAL treasures of Route 66. Where is the sidewalk highway? What about the Round Barn? Why are we spending 20 minutes at Pop's (a restaurant and gas station that has only been on Route 66 for 12 years -- absolutely NOT worthy of stopping at that modern tourist trap!)??? This film appears to be nothing but a 1 hour and 4 minute commercial for places to eat on Route 66!

By the way - the Pop bottle at Pop's is LED lighting - not Neon lighting. Another mistake by our "expert" storyteller!

The writer / producer has completely missed the point of Route 66, and should stick to being an expert in his home country (France). His film is a complete waste of time.

All the Old Knives (2022)

Meh...

[4/10 · 9 April 2022]

Kind of slow.

Kind of boring.

Kind of predictable. (I knew who did it within the first 10 minutes of the story.)

The three different storylines was unnecessary and intentionally added a layer of confusion - which was necessary to attempt to hide who really did it.

All in all, it really wasn't that great.

Chloe and Theo (2015)

BOR-ING!

[4/10 · 23 February 2022]

I really wanted to like this movie. But it was low budget, slow, and had a terrible ending.

The actor who played Theo was awesome - I love everything about Theo's character.

The three stars I give ate for the actor who played Theo, and Mira Sorvino. The rest of the acting seemed forced and just plain bad.

The Feed (2019)

Slow and confusing.

[3/10 · 12 February 2022]

Here's the deal - The Feed is basically a 10-hour episode of Black Mirror, though not as good. 10 hours is much too long - especially when the payoff at the end of your 10 hour investment is basically no payoff at all.

They could have boiled this slow, boring 10-hour miniseries into a 2-hour movie, and it would have been much faster and energetic - much better.

But the real problem is the end. What happened? The writer / director did an absolutely terrible job at explaining what actually happened.

"Do you know what you did?! Do you KNOW what you did?!" - well, that just doesn't explain anything at all, now does it?

Save 10 hours of your life and do something other than watch this dreadful miniseries. Don't say I didn't warn you.

True Story (III) (2021)

Kevin Hart tries a dramatic role...

[3/10 · 28 November 2021]

Look - I can't fault Kevin Hart for trying a dramatic role, in an effort to not be pigeon holed as a comedy only actor. However, stick with what you're good at - my wife walked out after episode one, and I turned it off after episode two.

Nobody wants to see the serious side of Kevin Hart. (Sorry to be so blunt Kevin!)

Eternals (2021)

Boring.

[1/10 · 28 November 2021]

This movie is long and boring. The characters are not developed well, and when they are put into bad situations we (the audience) have very little invested in them - that leads to our indifference when they start dying off.

The film provides a backstory, that these characters are cranked out for several different worlds - so when they die, they can easily be replaced by a clone.

Really - there is no character development. Maybe that's because there are so many new characters to develop, there just isn't time.

The movie is just bad. No reason to watch it a second time. No reason to buy it on DVD.

Disney - please do not make another Eternals movie.

Only Murders in the Building (2021– )

Couldn't get into it.

[1/10 · 25 October 2021]

I really like Steve Martin and Martin Short - so I really wanted (and expected) to like this show.

It's just not good.

And they totally mispronounced the name of the Oklahoma town "Chickasha" (not "Chickasaw"). I think that one glaring mistake just destroyed the whole illusion for me.

The Ultimate Surfer (2021)

Dumb

[1/10 · 7 September 2021]

I'm sorry, but this is just dumb. Who cares about surfing? What percentage of the United States lives on a coast and surfing is a thing in their area? They have to add all the drama to the show to give us something to actually watch - and the drama is flat and uninteresting.

In the end, who really cares about a surfing show? This is just dumb.

Confessions of a Time Traveler - The Man from 3036 (2020)

Wow! This was BAD!

[1/10 · 10 August 2021]

Wow! This was BAD! I could have done something like this myself - hey Tubi! How can I sell you my 38 minute weekend project for big bucks?!

Not only is it poorly acted and executed - but the conspiracy theories used to "back up" the time travel story are so laughable - well - I actually laughed out loud!

Come on Tubi - you need to have minimum standards for the stuff you put out there for public consumption!

Willy's Wonderland (2021)

The worst movie I've ever seen.

[1/10 · 23 July 2021]

This is the worst movie I've ever seen. Nick Cage does not have a single line in the entire movie. The animatronics are terrible. The story is terrible. The backstory is terrible.

This movie is like a train wreck you see from the highway as you drive past - it's horrific, and you are embarrassed you can't stop looking at it in amazement.

Movies always require a leap of faith to believe the story is unfolding in front of your eyes - this movie does not "hook" that leap of faith.

Willy's Wonderland is a complete fail for me.

I could make a better movie than this!

The Perfect Storm (2000)

Meh

[3/10 · 19 June 2021]

The movie is written well, and the actors and acting is great - but the story is difficult to embrace when it's just someone's "best guess" of what happened.

I was in DC during "the storm of the century", and the storm itself was blown incredibly out of proportion.

With so many other stories of tragedy at sea, why this one? Why this crew?

And perhaps the largest problem at all - why not show actual photos of the actual crew at the end?

Are we to be awed by the special effects alone? It is a shame we were not given the necessary facts to bond with the actual crew.

Upside Down (I) (2012)

Plot hole too big to forgive...

[5/10 · 5 June 2021]

Interesting story. Interesting way to look at the world around you. Interesting special effects. Plot hole too big to forgive...

Have you ever hung upside down for an extended period of time? How long could you do it before you passed out? One of Christ's disciples (Peter) was executed this way. It's just too difficult to put out of my mind when watching this otherwise good story, and therefore I found the entire story simply unbelievable.

Solos (2021)

Train Wreck

[1/10 · 26 May 2021]

This show is like a train wreck that you can't stop watching - it's got to get better, right? No. No, it doesn't get any better.

Clearly they were going for another black mirror, but completely missed the mark.

Way too much character building, requiring way too much emotional investment in characters the viewer really doesn't care about because the episodes are only 20 minutes long, and will never be seen again.

This is just bad TV.