Leparsdon Reviews

Enough (I) (2002)

Ostensibly based on a novel, but outside of the domestic abuse aspects, shares nothing with it

[1/10 · 12 May 2024]

Enough is a movie that is so completely unbelievable that I am surprised that anyone would consider this representative of anything. JLo, as per usual, has no chemistry with anyone, and we are also supposed to believe that her character, who starts out as a WAITRESS somehow has a millionaire daddy, marries a millionaire, and just has all these people in her corner ready to fly her around the country on a whim and basically give her money, resources, and KRAV MAGA lessons to help her defeat her husband. This is so unrealistic on so many levels. The novel on which this film claims to be based, has a not-so-happy ending where the protagonist doesn't even get reunited with her child at the end, and doesn't have some dramatic showdown with her husband where she kicks his butt and kills him. In the novel, the wife gets her ass beaten one final time, her son is taken from her, and she doesn't know if she will ever see him again; but this? We are supposed to believe that after a few lesson JLo is an expert as hand to hand combat and can beat a man who easily has 100lbs and 1 foot on her, and that she can break into this home, plant evidence, and effectively create a spy movie at the very end to put everything to her advantage. Just...skip this one. Movies of this nature are done so much better elsewhere, even when you have the victim overpower her abuser.

Cade: The Tortured Crossing (2023)

Pretty bad for a Neil Breen film

[2/10 · 31 March 2024]

I spent an hour into this movie having no idea what was happening. There is no plot to speak of, which is par for the course for a Breen movie, but this was exceptionally bad. 100% of this movie is short in front of a green screen, with the cast badly edited into stock footage. This is fine for Breen if it is used sparingly, but here is was taken to new heights that just highlighted how bad the editing was for this. Breen also fights a white tiger for some reason, and a different tiger, I think, transforms into a woman for some reason. This plot is something about a mental hospital and gene testing by his 'twin brother' Cale, but none of it, I mean NONE comes together in a coherent way. Prepare to spend the entirety of this movie confused and baffled at how nonsensical this is, and that is keeping Breen's other movies in mind.

Almost Christmas (2016)

Every trope that fits to rake

[4/10 · 24 December 2023]

This movie is awful. It continues the trend of every black christmas film:

1. Having a cheating husband and a wronged wife 2. Feuding sisters where one is the successful one 3. Dead or absent spouse 4. Children angry that the family home might have to be sold 5. A family 'business' that is in trouble 6. Relative or son who are involved in either baketball or football 7. Sons with secret problem or secret life 8. Divorced woman that finds love again with past love 9. The 'strong' sister who cant seem to settle on one thing and is not responsible and has to be babied 10. A family dinner scene where all the stuff is revealed 11. A white character that is awkward

Mo'Nique adds her usual loud-mouthed obnoxiousness to this film, and we continue to see the same 20 actors who seem to rotate in and out of these films.

Nothing new happens here, like at all. Nothing different, comedy is pretty dry because you can see everything coming and none of it is really particularly funny. Would skip because if you have seen Soul Food, This Christmas, the Best Man, or any other movie that ends or is around Christmas then you don't need to see this one.

Harry & Meghan (2022)

Not much of a documentary

[2/10 · 19 December 2022]

Watching as much as I could of this 'documentary' it was quite obvious that Meghan and Harry, or H & M as they awkwardly refer to one another, could not keep their own stories straight as to why they felt wronged, and why Meghan has not seen her father since before her wedding. Meghan misled the audience about many things - being raised by her mother (she was in fact raised primarily by her father and lived with him), claiming not to even know her sister Samantha's birthday and that she was a stranger to her (many family photos of the two throughout her life prove this to be false) and even why no other family aside from her mother was even at the wedding (no, the royal family did not tell her not to invite her niece to the wedding because her sister would not be there)

Perhaps though, what I find the most insulting piece, is that Meghan, like myself, has a white father and a black mother. Meghan, being primarily raised by her white father and only ever had close friends and associates around her that were white, hell even her first husband was also a white man, we are led to believe that Meghan experienced all these struggles as a black woman. SHE HAS NEVER IDENTIFIED AS BLACK PRIOR TO HER MARRIAGE TO HARRY. All of the whining about racism this, and bigotry that, it makes absolutely no sense that this woman who regards herself as white until it is convenient to play the black woman card when she needs to garner money and sympathy, wants to trot out all these famous black people that she DID NOT KNOW prior to getting with Harry, and in some instances like with Beyonce, lying about conversations and the closeness of their relationships. Meghan is insulting every black person, and even women of mixed ethnicity, like myself, when she tries to claim experiences that are not hers.

In short, this documentary, if it can even be called that, is a complete snooze fest and all you will get out of it is yet ANOTHER retelling of the same stories, but this time it is being told differently for max effect. If this is their story, perhaps it was never one worth telling.

The Whereabouts of Jenny (1991 TV Movie)

Unsatisfying Ending

[5/10 · 24 January 2022]

For a movie that was not based on a true story, the fact that the ending is just a 3-sentence blurb, and we don't see a proper conclusion is frustrating. Movie was ok for what is was and Ed O'Neil is good as the loving father and caring ex-husband.

Unwanted Guest (2016 TV Movie)

Teleplay seems unfinished. So many unanswered questions

[3/10 · 24 January 2022]

This movie was just bad. The acting was laughable and the plot even more so.

**Spoilers***

Amy is implied at the beginning of the film to have killed another classmate, although we never see his face and that plotline is barely touched upon. Amy goes to stay with her friend over 'the holidays', despite there being no indications that any holiday of any kind is taking place during this time, and everyone is still working as normal.

Amy immediately becomes fixated on her friend Christine's stepfather, and I guess her whole motive is to concoct a plan to get with him. The movie is so laughably awful beyond this point. Amy starts drugging her friend at night for reasons unknown, I guess so her friend won't be around when Amy starts prowling on her stepdad. Amy also kills the girlfriend of the classmate that she killed, and that incident is never brought up again and plays no relevant part for the rest of the movie, other than to show us how crazy Amy is I guess.

So onward we go, and Amy and Christine spend a lot of time doing nothing, Amy drinks a lot of wine and makes passes at stepdad. Christine's mom and by proxy the actress that plays her, seem to sleepily go through this film barely making a facial expression that isn't one of extreme boredom and apathy. Amy causes mom to break her leg, so she spends the rest of the film in bed which I find hilarious considering the actress's performance up to this point. This movie also laughably wants us to believe that Christine can somehow get seriously ill to the point where she is bedridden for the rest of this movie, simply because Amy keeps leaving the window open on purpose. WHAT?!

Anyway, stepdad and Amy get a little familiar and share a kiss, although if the sexy-sex happened is not really expanded upon. At this point, Amy needs to help stepdad with a dinner party for some big client, the wife expresses her suspicions about Amy and wants her gone to which stepdaddy begrudgingly agrees.

In between all this the cops call and ask about Amy at Christine's house, to which Amy answers the call and tells them she isn't staying there and left to go somewhere else. This is a big nothingburger that didn't even need to be included.

Amy helps stepdad land this client account or something and had invited a business partner to the dinner who heavily flirts with Amy and also mentions that the cops called the office asking about Amy and he said he didn't know any Amy. The business partner leaves, and Amy cut his breaks or something, I guess? Because the partner gets into an accident, and I kid you not this movie never mentions this man or this incident again.

By this point we are at the end of the movie and stepdad asks Amy to go, and she doesn't like that idea. Stepdad stupidly immediately leaves Amy alone with the two women she has been trying to kill this whole movie, and as she is being asked to leave, she is enraged and decides to end them both.

Amy, Christine and mom get into the funniest cripple/sick person fight I have seen, as mom sticks Amy with a syringe which I guess was filled with a tranquilizer. The cops finally catch on to Amy and barge in with stepdad after talking to him at his office and it is here where we get one of the most unsatisfying endings to the cheap movies ever. The cops hurriedly exposit that Amy isn't really Amy and took the identify of a student who died 2 years earlier. Stepdad asks "What did she want" cops reply, "we don't know but we will find out" as Amy goes down from the tranq and then that's it. MOVIE OVER. We find out nothing about Amy, if she really had parents in Europe, or if they found any of the other people she killed. Also, Amy killed Christine's pet rat earlier but that's also irrelevant.

WHAT?! Lmao.

WORST. MOVIE. EVER.

Abandoned and Deceived (1995 TV Movie)

Completely unrealistic

[4/10 · 15 January 2022]

The way that the welfare and child support system in this country is portrayed is laughably inaccurate. There is no way a single mother working a part time job with 2 minors wouldn't qualify for welfare. Also, child support orders are basically a one-way ticket to prison if you don't pay, so the fact they had no way to locate him or enforce the order is completely unrealistic. If she had his social security number and he worked anywhere, they would be able to locate him. This movie was trying to hype the drama to 100 by creating this implausible scenario that makes no sense at all.

Beauty and the Beast (I) (2017)

Disappointed

[6/10 · 27 May 2017]

Now I wasn't expecting a shot for shot remake, and this certainly is not that. What I was expecting was something that entertained and gives us a reason to revisit the near perfect 1991 animated version of this film. What we got was heavily and horribly auto tuned Emma Watson, among others and acting that hardly convinced you that anyone was feeling anything genuine at all. The story quickly bored me and I found myself doing other things on my cell phone while watching it, and I got a feeling that the SJW lot had some meddling in how the character of Belle was redone here. The CG was unconvincing, if not all together overly done. I would skip this, as the animated version was way better, and the emotions more raw and convincing.

Trois (2000)

Dreadful, not what I was expecting at all

[1/10 · 20 January 2011]

Saw this film off Netflx thinking it was something else entirely; I mean with a name like "Trois" one would expect something beyond one sex scene and barely any interaction between the two main characters.

First it starts off with a husband wanting to fulfill a fantasy with his wife and another woman, after sometime the wife relents and through a friend of the husband, he finds a woman willing to be the third person. Well after a weekend of "hanging out" to get his wife comfortable with the other woman, they have their night of fun and thats apparently the end of the "Trois"

Then this film takes a completely different turn, with the husband being unjustifiably horrendous to the other woman and still not giving his wife any attention. From there you have snakes, weird font letters, egged cars, slashed tires and a video of him having sex with another woman earlier in their marriage. This all leads to a showdown with her abusive ex boyfriend, who was posing as her husband's friends the entire film, and somehow a gunshot wound to her sides, leads to her being paralyzed from the waist down and in a wheelchair. Oh yeah, they also get a divorce.

Bottom line, DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME!

C Me Dance (2009)

Wow...What a Waste

[2/10 · 24 July 2010]

This film started off okay...and the actors started speaking. I was astounded at the sheer level of bad acting, half hearted dialogue and a plot that was strewn together from pieces of other films.

In the scene where Sheri is told she is going to die (and subsequent scenes where it is discussed) she acts in none of the ways that a 16 year old would act if they were given the same awful news. Also the way the characters interacted, it was as if they were strangers who were reading conversation off of a cue card or something. Also all their interaction were very wooden and unconvincing.

The plot is also incomprehensible. It jumps around from pointless scene to pointless scene, and as another reviewer commented, the thoughts and feeling are told more so than shown and don't really do much to convince you that are watching people who really care about each other

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010)

An exercise in tedium

[3/10 · 14 July 2010]

After suffering through the last two Twilight's I only figured it made sense to follow through with the rest of the series, having never read the books and never wanting to suffer through that as well. Eclipse seems to follow the same tones and moods of it predecessors. It doesn't improve upon anything and seems to be entirely built around vacant expressions, bland dialogue and Kristen Stewart walking around looking "worried" (I guess thats her range, emo and worried) I still don't see this epic love between Edward and Bella, they seem to go around each other like they still don't know quite how to act and are very awkward and lack chemistry. Everything else is about boring as a Twilight film can be, not really really adding any level of dimension to the characters.

In short, good for the tweens (at least it gets them reading) but bad for anyone who expects anything resembling vampire lore

After Last Season (2009)

The Worst "Film" I've Ever Seen In My Life

[1/10 · 13 July 2010]

When I saw this movie, I expected nothing after seeing the trailer and reading some half-hearted reviews. I decided to buy a copy out of nothing more than sheer curiosity. After seeing the riot that was "The Room" I thought at the very least this would be somewhat entertaining.

I was dead wrong.

After Last Season is what I imagine they would make you watch in Hell, over and over again as some sort of torture device. There is no plot, the acting is awful and half the time I could barely hear what was going on since the sound made it seem as if they recorded it inside a toilet. The paper which is strewn haphazardly throughout I suppose is some sort of cheap alternative to set design or actually having to do anything that would require not having to rent some empty warehouse and use parts of your own house to serve as the backdrop for a corporation and a medical facility. The "special effects" sequences, if one could even call it that, are laughable and look as though they were recycled animation from the directors computer graphics course he might've taken back in 1993. Not to mention they add pretty much nothing to the storyline. I guess this was what they used to justify a $5 million dollar budget.

If you can even stand to watch the first few minutes, in which absolutely nothing happens, you will find yourself struggling to stay awake, as it even took me almost two days just to get through it, as I couldn't bear the horrible sound, bad acting, bad lighting and cheap sets.

All in all, don't look to get the same enjoyment out of After Last Season as you would similar "so bad its good" films. This isn't worth the time, effort or money that you would spend to try and see it.

Jenifer (2001 TV Movie)

Not Very Interesting

[3/10 · 21 January 2007]

I found this movie to be quite trivial and indifferent at many points in the film. They cast women who don't look like they could be friends, much less sisters, there was no real chemistry with any of the actors and it plays solely on the fact that they were all "sisters". They never touch on how her sisters magically one day have enough money to just start a foundation to support research for the disease, nor does it touch on the deeper controversies of stem cell research. It was lacking real compassion and only a handful of scenes really showed what it was like for her to be sick. The part with her boyfriend was pretty much pointless, and his exit didn't make that much sense either. Overall it wasn't a very good movie about Jenifer Estess, and the actress they picked to play her did the character no justice at all. Repetitious, cliché and most importantly, boring. Avoid at all cost.

The Notebook (2004)

Formulaic, predictable film

[5/10 · 19 July 2006]

Like the title of this says, this film was one of the most formulaic and predictable pieces of drivel this side of the Mississippi. Right at the beginning it reminds you of all of the dozen movies that have been written that just added to the overall cheesiness that they make you sit through, trying to make it seem as if they are really telling you something new. The acting wasn't bad, it was better than most in this genre of film and once again you see James Marsden as the other guy that's only there as a matter of convenience. Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling held their own, but the real problem that I have with this is just that it is so gosh darn irritatingly sappy. So to conclude this review, I wouldn't really recommend this film, sure it's good if you are a prepubescent girl who still has some silly ideal about how love is supposed to be (and mind you films like this only reinforce the rarity of "true love") the sad fact is in the real world things just don't work out that way.

5/10

Silent Hill (2006)

A Little Gruesome

[6/10 · 22 April 2006]

I first went into this not wanting to like it but in the end I didn't really find that much wrong with it. In the beginning I was a little turned off by all that blood and gore and gruesome stuff and maybe the story did move a little slow but it was at least true to most of the elements in the first Silent Hill video game series. The ending was a little sketchy and the buildup to the action wasn't all that great but I do think that for the person who is a fan of the series and like a bloody flick that this is definitely suitable to that particular taste. All in all Silent Hill delivers what it promises and tends to get a little extreme with the nasty stuff but its all in the name of entertainment. Nice acting with the exception of the child actress who played Sharon. 6/10

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)

Yea, Okay!

[6/10 · 17 April 2006]

This was by far the better of the last 3 installments. Ewan McGregor gave a lovely and believable performance and Hayden Christensen was slightly improved, but he's still young, so never mind that. The story was more engrossing than that of the previous ones and the fighting scenes weren't so long and tedious that you became bored with them. Natalie Portman should have had more screen time but the time that she was on, did give you a good glimpse into why the rest of the story unfolded the way that it did, although she could have done a little better as far as her acting. It's really ashame that the others weren't as engrossing as this one, but it was well worth he wait to finally see some justice brought to the end of this series.

Brokeback Mountain (2005)

Ho Hum

[6/10 · 17 April 2006]

Honestly I really don't understand what the hype is about this film. I went in with the best of intentions and came out truly disappointed. What I was left with was a mediocre story that tried to be more than what it was. Mediocre acting as well as dialog. Noting really special about this other than it featured two straight actors playing homosexuals and quite unsuccessfully at that. Anne Hathaway gave a nice performance and the scenery was beautiful, but as far as Oscar worthy anything this definitely wasn't it. Heath Ledger struggled with his dialect and for me his performance was lifeless and dead. He left me wishing that they had cast a more vibrant actor to the role who could truly convey the pain and confliction that his character was going through but that didn't happen and the rest of the film didn't really give much to hold anyones attention. Boring and slow. Not worth it.

Coach Carter (2005)

Not Very Original

[4/10 · 27 January 2005]

I saw this movie, and I think that Coach Carter is by far one of the worst films to come out so far this year. The reason being is that this film explores an all to much explored genre of basketball and failing athletes and the one person that can reach them. As far as this one goes, I felt throughout the whole thing that I had seen something like this before; which is probably true. The acting was mediocre, S.L Jackson acts the same as he does in all his now typecast roles. The predictability in the movie is astounding, which spoiled it for me for the most part. I think it succeeds as far as trying to entertain people, it does that on the level that most who went to see it can relate to, but as far as an original piece of art, this movie leaves little to the imagination.

White Noise (I) (2005)

Terrible

[3/10 · 15 January 2005]

Terrible Film:

As a film "White Noise" fails miserably. First in my humble opinion, it has a nonsensical plot, undeveloped characters, less than stellar acting, and a very disappointing ending. I wasn't scared or anything close to that for a minute, and I was very perplexed by several points and events that happened in this film.

I would not recommend this film to anyone, as it does not deliver what it promises and doesn't even come close to being any type or horror or thriller movie.

3/10

Saw (2004)

Meh..

[4/10 · 29 October 2004]

This was one very disappointing flick, I mean it started out with all the somewhat "thrilling" mind boggling stuff,and then it just turned into a bunch of comedic boring drivel that could have been a lot better than it was. Cary Elwes wasn't at his acting best in this, I think that his performance was a little forced, but it was tolerable at least.

I think the base theme of the story; to be grateful for your life and don't waste it and all that, was good and they should have expanded more on other victims instead of the one guy and his family and what not.

4/10

Gilmore Girls (2000–2007)

Awful

[11 September 2003]

This show gives me a headache. The way they deliver their lines makes me want to throw up. I mean when they talk it's like they take no time to pause and take a breath and it ends up sounding like a petty argument. This is why I can't watch this show. Bad acting, bad dialogue and just un inventive

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)

Follows the Hollywood Formula

[6/10 · 11 August 2003]

Pirates of the Caribbean is a pretty predictable movie. It has the oh-so-lovable, slacker of a semi villain, and then it has the hero out to get the girl he loves. The other pirates are of course all comic reliefs, and the rest is just spent idly with special effects and rescue after rescue. Fun to watch but that's as far as it goes.

6/10

Cowboy Bebop (1998–1999)

Amazing

[7 August 2003]

I LOVE THIS SHOW!

This has to be the best anime series ever. It is hauntingly beautiful and has to be more accurate in portraying human emotion than anything that I have ever seen. Definitely worth seeing

Coupling (2000–2004)

Hilarious

[29 July 2003]

When I saw this show, I thought it was one of the most hilarious tv series that I have ever seen. It still is although it has much sex oriented adult humor. I think that this is a must see for any fan of comedy

Stuart Little 2 (2002)

Dreadful

[3/10 · 22 July 2003]

I just saw this movie for the first time, and I must say this is awful. It is by far one of THE WORST childrens movies that I have ever seen. The animation is very unbelievable, the story is barely there and I found it just a tad bit ridiculous. The first one was much better (on that child's movie scale)and I would suggest that you save some money and skip this one.