Life with Derek (TV Series)

All Systems No Go (2006)

John Ralston: George Venturi

Quotes 

• Nora McDonald : [opens the door for Linda and Marti]  Hey, guys. Let me get the door for you.

  Linda Davis : Thanks.

  Nora McDonald : Hey, Miss Smarti, did you have fun? Is everything all right?

  Linda Davis : I think Dimi and Marti are through with their play date.

  Marti Venturi : I hit Dimi!

  George Venturi : But it was an accident, right, Marti?

  Marti Venturi : No, Dimi was bugging me, so I have him the old 1-2!

  Nora McDonald : Oh, Marti, that's terrible. You never hit anyone.

  Marti Venturi : But Dimi's a doofus!

  [Linda gives an embarrassed chuckle] 

  George Venturi : [pointing to the stairs]  Marti, upstairs, now!

  Marti Venturi : [walking towards the stairs]  You're mean!

  George Venturi : I'm sure she's very sorry.

  Marti Venturi : No, I'm not! Crybaby!

• Edwin Venturi : [reading reviews of The English Patient from his laptop]  Mark from Beijing called it a page turning romp. Andy Feresten says it's a tour de force celebration of the human spirit.

  George Venturi : [annoyed]  That's great, but George from London still doesn't know what the book is about.

  Edwin Venturi : Hmm. It's about three hundred pages long.

  [laughs] 

  George Venturi : [Shakes his head]  That's not funny.

• Nora McDonald : [angrily, after sending Linda on her way]  Derek, what did I say about swimming in that pool?

  Derek : I don't know. I must have water in my ears.

  George Venturi : Well, can you hear me now? No more swimming in the Davis' pool!

  Casey MacDonald : [coming down the stairs]  I just got off the phone with Emily. Dimi won't come out from under his bed.

  Nora McDonald : Oh, now, it's official! We're the next door neighbors from hell!

• Derek : [after George fails at trying to cancel the book club]  Why didn't you cancel?

  George Venturi : [bitterly]  Because I was too embarrassed, especially after my son left a ring around their pool and stomped on their flowers. And my daughter hit their son. And I nudged their parked car!

  [Derek makes a surprised reaction] 

  George Venturi : Yesterday!

  Derek : Dad, you sure you don't need glasses?

  George Venturi : No, but you need to cancel your date, tonight!

  Derek : Why?

  George Venturi : Because you're going to help me prepare for the book club!

  Derek : [starts to dial the phone]  Forget it. I'm calling Nora and tell her to come home.

  [George and Derek both notice Nora left her cell phone on the table] 

  Derek : Okay, so scratch that and why don't you call the Davis' back and cancel?

  George Venturi : [seething]  Derek, do I ever yell?

  Derek : Not unless you're really mad.

  George Venturi : [yelling]  Shut your mouth and listen to me! We've got to clean this house, prepare some food, and I got to read this book all before the Davis' get here or we're gonna ruin our relationship with them forever! Now, I've gotta fly solo here and you're gonna help me!

  Derek : Uh, permission to speak?

  George Venturi : [hastily]  Uh-huh?

  Derek : I think there's someone who can really help.

  [cut to the two in Casey's bedroom asking her for help] 

  Casey MacDonald : You want me to help you get organized for the book club?

  George Venturi : Yeah, I bet you can come up with a great system to get us there in no time!

  Derek : Yeah!

  Casey MacDonald : But Derek mocks me whenever I try to come up with systems.

  George Venturi : Well, don't listen to Derek ever!

  Derek : Yeah!

  [does a double take] 

  Derek : What?

  Casey MacDonald : Look, I'm trying very hard not to turn into some crazed control freak.

  George Venturi : [desperate]  But we need a crazed control freak!

  Derek : Yeah, I mean, that's definitely you!

  Casey MacDonald : Sorry, boys, but I resolve to be that way. Good Luck.

• George Venturi : [before the family starts to clean the house]  So, everybody know their duties?

  Edwin Venturi : [chuckling]  Doodies.

  [Derek starts laughing and George gives the boys a dirty look] 

  Edwin Venturi : Sorry.