- Iris: You see, once you commit yourself to something, however bizarre it might seem to other people, you kind of owe it to yourself to enjoy the experience.
- Brian: I'm not ready.
- Billy: You're not ready? You're in your 40s.
- Brian: I know straight men in their 40s who aren't ready.
- Billy: Yeah, but that's different.
- Brian: How is it different?
- Billy: Well, it's not down to them.
- Brian: It's not down to them?
- Billy: No, it's the woman's choice. A straight man can remove any sense of responsibility. We don't have that luxury.
- Sara: We were married for the wrong reasons. What was it about us tying the know that just stopped everything?
- Pete: I think we just ran out of things to say. And it often happens in a relationship. Some people get to the point where they say things like "I've met someone else" or "I just can't do this any more." And I went for "Will you marry me?" And you went for "Yes."
- Pete: You know, I fail to see how some men can find sex with men in any way appealing. I struggle to see how women can.
- Pete: Do you, Sarah Louise Williams, hereby agree to never laying any claim to the life and emotions of this man, Peter Brian Maxwell?
- Sara: I do. And do you, Peter Brian Maxwell, hereby consent to never ringing up this woman, Sarah Louise Williams, after you've had a few beers and are in desperate need of a bunk-up?
- Pete: I... I do, I do, I do. Christ, that hurt.
- Sara: Well, maybe we could break the rules once in a while.
- Pete: Oh, just the once?
- Iris: Have you achieved great distance?
- Eddie Wright: We have now. She is dead and I'm in Cricklewood.
- Billy: My parents didn't speak to one another for a year before I was born, and then I came along and everything got better. And they don't regret me coming along, and I certainly don't. I mean, admittedly, they haven't spoken to me in over ten years, but they didn't know they were creating a sexual deviant.
- Brian: Your parents are cave dwellers. They are a bad example.
- Billy: Yeah, but my point is that I am the result of truly selfish behaviour and I'm fuckin' made up about it.
- Anna: You're too young to be a father.
- Noel: I am.
- Anna: How old?
- Noel: Twenty-five.
- Anna: No, that's not too young to be a father.
- Noel: Maybe it's not too young, but it's definitely young.
- Anna: Compared to what? You, you're young compared to what?
- Noel: Erm... eh... the telephone. Yeah, I'm definitely young compared to the telephone.