Rock Me, Baby (2003–2004)
Carl Anthony Payne II: Carl
Photos
Quotes
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Carl : Man, I hate it when strippers talk about their kids.
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Carl : Hey, I found this new sports bar where we can watch the game. It's kinda like Hooters only it's for butts. It's called Assies.
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[Jimmy smokes pot but doesn't tell Beth]
Carl : As Johnnie Cochran would say, "If you take a hit, you must omit."
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[Jimmy takes out a million-dollar insurance policy on himself]
Jimmy : Yeah, I want Beth to be taken care of but, you know, I don't wanna give her too much incentive to have me whacked.
Carl : Man, for a million dollars, I'd whack ya.
Jimmy : OK, when you say "whack", you mean "kill", right?
Carl : Either way.
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Carl : You took your baby to a cop movie? That's like taking your mother to a porno.
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[Otis gives Carl pinkeye]
Carl : I wake up this morning with my eye glued to my pillow because you and Beth chose not to inform us that Otis was the host-monkey.
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Carl : That's just great. Great. Seven-hour car ride with a baby. Pop in a John Tesh CD and I'm in hell.
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Carl : It's time for us to take a break here on The Core, so if you're in your car, take a minute and pick your nose and pretend no one can see ya.
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Carl : Where'd you get the sweater? I mean, did Bill Cosby throw up on you?
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Carl : Does everybody in Morocco eat with their hands or did this place run out of silverware?
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Carl : Remember the last time we did a radio-thon, right? Mention a pizza place on air, pizza shows up. Mention a bar, boom, beer shows up. This year, I'm thinking big. I'm going for some clothes, jewelry, home-theater system...
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Jimmy : Carl, listen, you're gonna have to pretend that this radio-thon is gonna be torture, Ok?
Carl : Why?
Jimmy : Because, man, look I could be the jackhole trying to escape my wife and kid for a few days, or I could be the nice guy forced to sleep on a rooftop for charity. All right? Which one of those guys do you think gets sympathy sex?
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Carl : Well, we define commitment differently, y'know. I call her "my girlfriend", she calls me "Carl".