Rock Me, Baby (2003–2004)
Dan Cortese: Jimmy Cox
Photos
Quotes
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Jimmy : It's been 10 weeks since Otis was born and you combine that with the last nine weeks of pregnancy and we haven't done it in almost five months. I miss it in there.
Beth : I know, it's just... Well, last time it was in there for nine months and it kinda trashed the place.
Jimmy : OK, fair enough. Any other vacancies in the building?
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[Jimmy wants to have sex]
Jimmy : I'll take care of him until midnight, even though I get up at four, if you just take one for the team.
Beth : Take one for the team?
Jimmy : Yeah. Yeah, you know, like when a baseball player gets hit by a pitch on purpose. It doesn't feel good but you do it for the team.
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Jimmy : Thanks a lot, Otis. You know, when you're 18 and about to get some, I'm gonna pee on you.
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Jimmy : Before your wife has the baby she is a sex machine. Ok, after the baby is born, the ol' sex machine shuts down for a while and, uh... Well, you gotta use the hand crank.
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Jimmy : You're better at diapers than me. You get to all the nooks and crannies. The kid's like an English muffin down there.
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Jimmy : I think we should consider traditional gender roles. You gather the laundry, dishes, and diapers and I will hunt for bison... and porn on the Internet.
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Jimmy : It's time we start acting like grownups... but I'm still watching "Spongebob".
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[Jimmy takes out a million-dollar insurance policy on himself]
Jimmy : Yeah, I want Beth to be taken care of but, you know, I don't wanna give her too much incentive to have me whacked.
Carl : Man, for a million dollars, I'd whack ya.
Jimmy : OK, when you say "whack", you mean "kill", right?
Carl : Either way.
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Jimmy : If I have to clip one more coupon I'm gonna slit my wrists. Oh, that reminds me, I have a coupon for Band-Aids.
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Jimmy : Just because Otis has a little sniffle, we can't let it ruin our evening. That's what we have Kevin for.
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[Otis has pinkeye]
Jimmy : Poor guy, he could use a makeover. Little Queer Eye for the Pinkeye.
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Jimmy : Listen, I'd love to stay here and chat but I know you've got that multi-colored schoolbus to catch, so...
Danny Bonaduce : Oh, a "Partridge Family" joke. How fresh!
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Jimmy : Well, uh, I don't like to brag but I was voted Best Dancer in high school. It was prob'ly cause I had a seizure at the prom. Yeah, turns out I'm allergic to shrimp.
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[After sex]
Jimmy : I think we finally settled that debate over who your daddy is once and for all.
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Jimmy : I mean, what, you don't get bed head like this from just sleepin' on it, right?
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Marques Houston : Yo, man, obviously you don't know how to deal with the ladies.
Jimmy : This coming from a man who sings a song called "Pop That Booty".
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[Otis' first night in his own room]
Jimmy : Honey, look, you've already checked on him six times tonight.
Beth : I just wanna make sure he's OK.
Jimmy : OK. OK, maybe you should. 'Cause he's probably climbed out of his crib, crawled down the block, and reached the Things That Can Lodge in Your Throat store.
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Jimmy : Yes! We are playing catch just like I did with my dad. Only this is better because I'm not calling Otis a spazz and yelling that he better stop crying or I'll give him something to cry about.
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Jimmy : No, I am not the male model type, really.
Janice Dickinson : Clearly, dear. Not with those pores.
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Jimmy : Not all child stars go bad. The kids from "The Cosby Show" turned out OK.
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Jimmy : Oh my God! I like having sex with women but I'm gay, aren't I?
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Grandma : Oh, look, I know that my child-rearing tactics must seem a little outmoded to you, with your car seats and your fancy non-rectal thermometers, but I helped raise you and you turned out OK, Jimmy.
Jimmy : Yeah, but who knows what my potential would've been if I hadn't been dropped, drugged, and probed?
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Jimmy : It has nothing to do with your age, all right? Look, I mean Dick Clark is like a thousand.
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Jimmy : Carl, we're gonna be spending at least two nights on that rooftop doing this charity radio-thon. Man, you're gonna need a heavy jacket and I know I would appreciate it if you brought a change of underwear.
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Jimmy : Carl, listen, you're gonna have to pretend that this radio-thon is gonna be torture, Ok?
Carl : Why?
Jimmy : Because, man, look I could be the jackhole trying to escape my wife and kid for a few days, or I could be the nice guy forced to sleep on a rooftop for charity. All right? Which one of those guys do you think gets sympathy sex?
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Jimmy : What are you two doing in bed together?
Beth : Pam spent the night. We were having a girls' night.
Jimmy : Define "girls' night".
Beth : It's not what you're thinking.
Jimmy : So you guys aren't gonna put on nurses uniforms and have a pillow fight on a trampoline?
Beth : No, we did that earlier... just after we washed cars in our bikinis in slow-motion.