Man on the Moon (1999)
Danny DeVito: George Shapiro
Photos
Quotes
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George Shapiro : Andy, you have to look inside and ask this question: who are you trying to entertain - the audience or yourself?
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George Shapiro : You're insane, but you might also be brilliant.
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[At a meeting with the NBC executives]
George Shapiro : Andy Kauffman is Tony Clifton. And Tony Clifton is Andy Kauffman. They'll deny it up and down, but believe me, it's true!
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Andy Kaufman : I'm going to the Philippines.
George Shapiro : The Philippines? What's in the Philippines?
Andy Kaufman : A miracle.
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George Shapiro : Your material doesn't exactly transfer to film.
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George Shapiro : So what do you have here? A big, elaborate joke that's only funny to two people in the universe... you and you.
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[after sitting through Tony Clifton's show, a reluctant George Shapiro is requested to a private venue with Clifton, who is busily eating a pasta dish]
George Shapiro : What do you want?
Andy Kaufman : [Clifton pulls down his sunglasses to reveal he is actually Andy in makeup] Just a little friendly conversation, George.
Tony Clifton : [Kaufman switches back to Tony's voice] You hungry? You look thin!
[singing to himself in tune of "Funiculi Funicula"]
Tony Clifton : Italiano, cacciatore Scaloppine, pasta fagiol.
George Shapiro : I don't understand this act.
Andy Kaufman : It's just good old-fashioned entertainment, George. Everyone loves a villain.
George Shapiro : What about that poor schlub you humiliated?
[Bob Zmuda, in disguise as the poor schlub Shapiro just mentioned, arrives and takes a seat next to Andy]
Bob Zmuda : Hey, man, excellent show. That was a great show. That was awesome.
Andy Kaufman : George, this is my writer and old friend, Bob Zmuda.
Bob Zmuda : [shakes hands with Shapiro] Hey, George, how are you? I'm Bob.
Andy Kaufman : He's very creative.
Bob Zmuda : I'm the brains behind this operation.
Andy Kaufman : Yeah, dream on. He once faked a lion escaping from the Chicago Zoo.
Bob Zmuda : This was fantastic, George. We got like 50 actors tearing through the zoo. And they're all screaming
[sounding panicked]
Bob Zmuda : There's a fucking lion, man, a lion!
George Shapiro : Your name's not Gorsky.
Bob Zmuda : [peels off fake mustache] Don't believe everything you hear, George.
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George Shapiro : How is this gonna make you the biggest star in the world?
Andy Kaufman : George
[coughs]
Andy Kaufman : , at this point the audience expects me to shock them all the time. But short of faking my own death or setting the theater on fire, I don't know what else to do. Because I've always gotta be one step ahead of them.
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Andy Kaufman : I feel like I'm being surrounded by negative energy.
George Shapiro : You're surrounded by what you create. Andy, you're the king of negative energy.
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[a producer at Taxi wants to fire Tony Clifton, but he needs Andy's permission to do so. He has George call Andy who is supposedly doing a concert in San Francisco. As Tony continues to cause chaos on the set, Andy's voice comes through on the other line]
George Shapiro : Hello, Andy. I'm here with Ed over at Taxi.
Andy Kaufman : Hi, Ed.
Ed. Weinberger - 'Taxi' Producer : Hi, Andy.
Andy Kaufman : How are you?
Ed. Weinberger - 'Taxi' Producer : I'm fine.
George Shapiro : There's been some trouble with Tony.
Andy Kaufman : [sounding genuinely shocked] Oh, no! Did he get hurt?
George Shapiro : No, Andy, it's nothing like-- No.
Andy Kaufman : Did he hurt someone else?
Ed. Weinberger - 'Taxi' Producer : No, it's not that. Andy, the reason I'm calling you like this is... I have the utmost respect for your artistry.
Andy Kaufman : Well, may I say that I've always appreciated that, Ed.
Ed. Weinberger - 'Taxi' Producer : Thank you. But you see, in this instance... I have to ask your permission to fire Tony.
[Andy is in fact backstage at Taxi in full Tony Clifton costume and makeup. He covers the speaker of the telephone and jumps up and down with joy]
Andy Kaufman : [resumes shocked tone] Oh, my... George, this is gonna kill Tony. He's waited for this his whole life.
George Shapiro : There'll be other shots.
Ed. Weinberger - 'Taxi' Producer : Yeah, we have to do this. He's just a terrible actor.
Andy Kaufman : Okay. But please let him down gently.
[Smash cut to...]
Tony Clifton : FUCK YOU! I'M NOT GOING!
Ed. Weinberger - 'Taxi' Producer : We had a deal.
Tony Clifton : I don't know who you talked to. You must have talked to someone else!
Ed. Weinberger - 'Taxi' Producer : [angrily] I was talking to Andy Kaufman!
Tony Clifton : I DON'T KNOW NO ANDY KAUFMAN!