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Reviews
Carlos Mencia: No Strings Attached (2006)
What an awful comedian
Perhaps the worst thing about Carlos Mencia's comedy is that every joke needs to be followed with an insult at the people in the crowd that aren't laughing. If there's anybody who's insecure, it's a comedian who won't shut up about his audience.
Then again, perhaps the worst thing about Carlos Mencia's comedy is that he doesn't get off his free speech high horse. If you want to be funny, just make a joke, don't explain all the reasons why you're saving the American way with your failed attempts at generating laughter.
Hmm... actually... the worst thing about Carlos Mencia's comedy is that it substitues meanspirited jabs at ethnicities for legitimate humor. Avoid this like the plague.
Lost Planet Airmen (1951)
The Band & the Movie
It's right up there with Plan 9 on the all-time list of 'bad' movies.
Yes this movie did lend its name to the great rock/swing band. I asked Commander Cody about the connection to the movie, noting that it was absolutely so bad it was great. A DJ with us cringed, expecting CC to be shocked that I'd dissed a movie he revered. Cody burst out laughing that the night he saw the movie in some dump hotel his band was so bad that he named it after the equally 'bad' movie then & there. "This was before I had Buffalo Bruce and Andy Stein and Bill Kirchen...we were TERRIBLE!"
And true, there is no lost planet.
Trapped in the Closet: Chapters 1-12 (2005)
What IS this???
When I first heard the idea behind this "urban operetta" or whatever it's supposed to be, I accepted it. I figured R. Kelly was going to try to basically create a sort of R&B "Tommy". But no such luck. Instead, we get a production so ridiculous it would have Ed Wood rolling on the floor laughing.
The beat never changes, and it's a pretty lousy beat to start with. It's full of awful forced rhymes that make you long for the Seussian. The story begins coherently, but falls into complete nonsense before then end. Laughably bad, but then again, it does make you laugh.
The only thing redeeming about this steaming pile is to use it as a drinking game. Every time someone pulls out a gun...
War of the Worlds (2005)
Well-directed but in no way entertaining
Ugh. I didn't expect much from this movie when I came in, primarily from an apprehension of Spielberg's intent to make a smaller, more personal version of the global horror of H.G. Wells' book. I really started to get excited as I started to watch it. Once things started blowing up, I though to myself "Ok, here is where it starts to get intense." Come back to me after an hour and half, and I suddenly realize that I'm not being entertained. I haven't been entertained at all yet. Basically, I've just been watching people get killed for ninety minutes. The movie has a crippling combination of trying to be serious, but continually just thinking up new sadistic ways to kill people. The movie is too busy blowing stuff up to realize that it has characters, or plot, or anything of that nature.
And then there's the ending. I didn't have any problem with the aliens dying the way they did, just the way the movie presented it. As ludicrous as the ending of "Signs" was, it worked with the plot. This ending comes out of nowhere and wraps everything up nicely. Then the movie decides to say, "Oh yeah, remember those characters we killed? Well we brought back the ones you liked." Hardly worth watching. Skip it.