pulpficat Reviews

Blonde (2022)

Marilyn Monroe Deserved Better

[2/10 · 1 June 2024]

It's an absolute masterpiece of misery. It's not just exploitative, misogynistic, and sexist. It's also degrading and dehumanizing, like the filmmakers got together and said, "How can we make this poor woman's life even worse?"

As if being terrible isn't enough, it's also boring. Yes, it's a snooze-fest that's ridiculously pleased with itself. It parades around like it's got something profound to say, but it doesn't have a clue. The film isn't really about Marilyn Monroe; it's about making her suffer. Imagine turning one of the most iconic figures of the 20th century into an avatar of unending pain. There's no room for the real Marilyn's multidimensionality here. Nope, she's just a canvas for every indignity and horror imaginable.

Can't wait for the sequel. Maybe Blonde 2: Even Blonder, Even More Miserable.

Wednesday (2022– )

Wednesday: A Midweek Crisis

[7/10 · 30 May 2024]

The show Wednesday brings together many elements I love: a sassy protagonist, a ark academy setting, gothic style, witchcraft, murder mystery, Tim Burton's direction, and the Addams Family. Yet, it ended up being the most disappointing TV series of 2022 for me, rivaling Guillermo del Toro's Cabinet of Curiosities. (Seriously, what's wrong with all my favorite directors?) The show fundamentally ruins Wednesday and the entire Addams Family as originally conceived. From the get-go, Wednesday's design feels off, especially her bangs. But she's cute (even though she doesn't need to be), and since it's a 2022 show, modernization is expected, so I can overlook that.

The real issues start within the first few minutes: Pugsley is bullied and refuses to say who did it when asked by Wednesday. Excuse me? Pugsley not bullying anyone is a miracle, no one can bully him! Then, Wednesday releases piranhas into a pool. Okay, fine. If it were the real Morticia, she'd praise her with, "Oh, she's got potential," or offer advice on more creative methods of torture or killing. But the fake Morticia in the film scolds her like a normal mother?

Next is a series of highly illogical actions compared to the original Addams Family, a family whose core value is unity and closeness, albeit in a very quirky and eccentric way: The Addams parents complain that Wednesday causes so much trouble that she has to change schools multiple times. The real Addams parents would scoff at regular schools, deeming them unworthy of their children. (By the way, why didn't they send her to Nevermore from the start if they praise it so highly?) Wednesday spends several episodes saying, "I don't want to be like my mother." The real Wednesday wouldn't rebel like an ordinary teenage girl; she'd quietly carve her own path. (Watching these episodes felt familiar until I realized it's like the early episodes of Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, where Sabrina keeps saying, "I don't want to be a witch," which bored me enough to stop watching after the 4th episode).

Another thing: after learning that Gomez was once a murder suspect, Wednesday reacts with suspicion and distance like a normal person. The real Wednesday would likely praise her father's coolness or dismiss it as ordinary.

There are many more annoying details like this, but the most aggravating is that Wednesday, typically someone who "doesn't give a damn," suddenly wants to play a detective hero? Please, she wouldn't care if someone was drowning, let alone save the world. And if she had Sherlock's detective skills, it would be one thing, but her half-baked deductions are always wrong, causing harm to others in the process. Enid's scolding of her wasn't nearly enough. She fails as both a witch and a detective.

And why does she like Tyler? Even if she were an ordinary girl, I don't see any reason for her to like him. Their interactions are bland, and Wednesday, of all people, is suddenly so easygoing? Or is it because this is supposed to be a cheesy teen drama, so they had to be paired up?

Everything I anticipated from this show, the director managed to let me down. The horror is weak, the detective work is half-hearted, the gothic academy serves as mere background for teen rebellion, and, most importantly, the Addams Family values are entirely absent. The most useful thing I learned from this is perhaps a new makeup style and a new dance move.

Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)

Watch This with Your Asian Mom

[8/10 · 28 May 2024]

You know how sometimes you watch a movie and you're like, "Wait, what just happened?" Well, that's pretty much what Everything Everywhere All At Once feels like, but in the best way possible. It's like someone mixed up all the genres, threw in some mind-bending sci-fi, a dash of family drama, and a whole lot of action, and somehow it all works.

Michelle Yeoh is the absolute star of the show. She's like a martial arts master crossed with your mom who's trying to keep it together, and she totally pulls it off. Her range in this film is, dare I say it, mind-blowing.

The plot? It's a wild ride. Parallel universes, alternate realities, and a cosmic convergence of... well, everything everywhere all at once. It's like trying to follow Joey's acting career - you're not quite sure where it's going, but you're thoroughly entertained the whole way through.

The action sequences are like something out of a superhero comic book. You've got flips, kicks, and stunts that'll make you wonder if Michelle Yeoh secretly has superpowers. And the special effects? They're so over the top, it's like something Joey would dream up in his wildest acting fantasies.

But it's not all about the action. The family dynamics in this film hit you right in the feels. There's heartache, reconciliation, and moments that tug at your heartstrings, but with a multiverse twist.

And the humor? It's there, in all its sarcastic glory. The witty one-liners and clever quips are sprinkled throughout the film to keep you grinning.

Everything Everywhere All At Once is a cinematic rollercoaster that takes you on a whirlwind tour of the multiverse, all while tugging at your heartstrings and making you laugh out loud. It's like an action-packed, sci-fi family drama, with a dash of wit thrown in for good measure. So, if you're in the mood for a movie that's equal parts mind-bending, heartwarming, and action-packed, this one's for you.

Death on the Nile (2022)

Murder, Mystery and Melodrama

[6/10 · 26 May 2024]

Death on the Nile sails the familiar waters of classic murder mysteries, offering a melodrama woven with jealousy, romance, grudges, and gossip. Set aboard a luxurious cruise ship along the Nile River, tensions among the passengers reach their boiling point, and then... a murder! Suddenly, everyone present becomes a suspect in this whodunit.

This film not only serves as a murder mystery but also paints a relatively accurate picture of the language, culture, and social intricacies of European high society in the 1930s. However, despite its lavish visuals and the nostalgia of its old-fashioned style, this adaptation falls somewhat short compared to its predecessors. The camera whirls giddily, seemingly entranced by the sparkle and spectacle of the film, yet it can't quite conceal the fact that it's more of an empty bauble than a substantial cinematic experience. While its strengths lie in providing all the necessary clues to solve the crime, making it a rewarding experience for those keen on detective work, the film occasionally delves into long-winded dialogues, slowing down the overall narrative.

The film is also a reminder that if one accidentally stumbles upon a crucial clue that reveals the murderer's identity, it's best not to foolishly plot a blackmail scheme or loudly flaunt it to everyone, lest one ends up meeting an untimely demise without ever understanding why.

Murder on the Orient Express (2017)

Off the Rails?

[7/10 · 24 May 2024]

Murder on the Orient Express, a modern adaptation of Agatha Christie's classic whodunit, is a testament to the enduring allure of her signature style. It features a locked room mystery, where a group of strangers trapped together with a murderer among them, and all of them are suspected. This Christiesque narrative approach thrives in the hands of Hercule Poirot, who, amidst a cacophony of deceptive utterances from the suspects, masterfully unravels the perplexing web of deceit.

However, despite the thrilling plot, the grandeur of the Orient Express, and an all-star cast, this adaptation somehow manages to derail itself. In an unfortunate twist, Kenneth Branagh, who takes on the iconic role of Hercule Poirot, appears to have brought his own oversized ego aboard the train. While Poirot's eccentricity is part of his charm, Branagh takes it a step too far, leaving the other characters in the dust and turning this ensemble piece into a one-man show. (It's as if he's still playing Gilderoy Lockhart!) This departure from the spirit of Christie's narrative is disappointing, leaving this adaptation, despite its visual opulence, trailing behind both the original and the 1974 adaptation. It's a puzzling outcome, where a murder mystery's most significant mystery is why it couldn't live up to its own legacy.

Crooked House (2017)

A Crooked Attempt at Christie

[7/10 · 22 May 2024]

Crooked House is a lamentable attempt at adapting Agatha Christie's novel onto the silver screen, though it stumbles and tumbles more than a clueless amateur detective. While Christie fans might still find themselves entertained, this film's gaudy shortcomings are as flashy as a neon sign in a cozy British village.

Despite boasting a capable cast, Crooked House fails to deliver anything more than a parade of tired clichés and cardboard characters. It feels like the film took a wrong turn on the way to delivering genuine mystery. In Christie's classic tales, we're accustomed to deliciously dysfunctional families dripping with animosity, but here, we're served a polite and relatively drama-free clan. With every character having an equal shot at being the culprit and a distinct lack of clear motives, the film's mystery is about as bewildering as trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces missing. It appears that only those with a remarkable absence of cynicism could possibly find the identity of the culprit surprising.

In the vast sea of Agatha Christie adaptations, Crooked House sails on the same tired old ship, burdened by a predictability that makes you wonder why you bothered to invest your precious time and brain cells.

And Then There Were None (2015)

Suspicion in Isolation

[7/10 · 20 May 2024]

And Then There Were None emerges as a spine-tingling cinematic rendition of Agatha Christie's classic whodunit, a narrative that never seems to lose its edge, even after decades of imitations. It's a tale that leads its audience down a perilous path of suspicion and paranoia, and for those unfamiliar with the novel, the guessing game proves as torturous as it is engrossing.

In this adaptation, the sinister motif of a group of people trapped in a confined space, picked off one by one, eventually culminating in the ominous realization that the perpetrator lurks among them, is more pronounced than ever before. It peels back the layers of existential dread that permeate Christie's narrative, unearthing the nihilistic underpinnings in her work like never before. However, the film's decision to diverge from the original novel's conclusion remains a head-scratcher. Why tamper with a perfectly crafted denouement and replace it with an implausible twist that defies real-world logic? Perhaps it serves as a subtle reminder that Christie's words are akin to a finely tuned symphony-tamper at your own peril. Nonetheless, And Then There Were None is a captivating journey into the abyss of suspicion and human nature, showcasing the enduring brilliance of Christie's storytelling.

Only Murders in the Building (2021– )

Murder, Laughter, and Macabre Humor

[8/10 · 13 May 2024]

Do you have that one friend who's obsessed with true crime podcasts and can't resist a good murder mystery? Well, imagine if they got caught up in a real-life murder investigation. That's pretty much the premise of Only Murders in the Building.

The show features Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez as an unlikely trio of amateur sleuths. Steve Martin and Martin Short are like a comedy duo sent from the heavens, and Selena Gomez adds a fresh sense of humor and intrigue to the mix. It's like the ultimate '80s sitcom teamed up with a modern pop sensation to solve crimes. This sitcom takes place in a swanky apartment building in New York City, and the residents are like a who's who of eccentric neighbors.

The story unfolds when this trio of unlikely detectives decides to create their own true crime podcast to investigate a murder that happens in their building. But as they dive deeper into the mystery, they uncover more and more secrets. The plot is a rollercoaster of laughs, suspense, and unexpected turns. Only Murders in the Building is a delightful blend of mystery and comedy that keeps you guessing until the very end. It's like a good old-fashioned murder mystery with a comedic twist. So, if you're looking for a show that's as funny as it is mysterious, and as quirky as your weirdest neighbor, give it a shot.

The French Dispatch (2021)

A Quirky Tribute to Journalism with a Side of Wes Anderson Charm

[8/10 · 12 May 2024]

Directed by the one and only Wes Anderson, The French Dispatch is like a love letter to journalism, served with a generous dollop of Anderson's signature style. It's whimsical, it's visually stunning, and it's chock-full of quirky characters and offbeat humor.

With names like Bill Murray, Tilda Swinton, Frances McDormand, and Timothée Chalamet, just to name a few, you know you're in for a treat. The performances are pitch-perfect, with each actor bringing their own unique flair to their respective roles.

The film is structured as a series of vignettes, each based on a story from the fictional French Dispatch magazine. From tales of art forgery to political intrigue to the misadventures of a renowned chef, each segment is like its own miniature film, complete with Anderson's trademark attention to detail. It's like a feast for the eyes, with every frame meticulously crafted and bursting with color and creativity. It's like watching a living, breathing work of art unfold before your very eyes.

The storytelling might be a bit unconventional, and some viewers might find Anderson's style a tad too quirky for their tastes. But if you're a fan of his previous work or just appreciate good cinema, then The French Dispatch is definitely worth a watch.

Horimiya (2021)

A Quirky Rom-Com Rollercoaster

[8/10 · 11 May 2024]

Horimiya is about the unlikely friendship (and maybe something more) between two seemingly opposite classmates, Hori and Miyamura. Hori is your typical popular girl, while Miyamura is the quiet, introverted type with a few surprises up his sleeve (literally). And the chemistry between them is off the charts. Their banter is like watching a ping pong match between two masters, and their awkward yet endearing interactions will have you rooting for them from the get-go. The supporting cast is chock-full of quirky characters, from the straight-laced best friend to the little brother who's always up to no good. It's like a sitcom in anime form. The plot might follow some familiar rom-com tropes, and there are moments where you might roll your eyes at the teenage melodrama. But if you can look past that, you'll find a heartwarming story about friendship, love, and the messy yet beautiful journey of growing up.

Free Guy (2021)

A Hilarious Ride Through the Virtual World

[8/10 · 10 May 2024]

If you've ever wondered what it would be like if The Truman Show hooked up with a video game and had a baby, wonder no more because that's pretty much what Free Guy is all about.

Starring Ryan Reynolds as the lovable NPC (that's non-player character for all you non-gamers out there) named Guy, Free Guy takes us on a wild ride through the bustling metropolis of Free City, where chaos reigns supreme and bank robberies are just part of the daily routine.

And Reynolds absolutely kills it in this role. He's like a mix of Deadpool and a really enthusiastic puppy. You can't help but root for the guy (pun intended) as he discovers he's living in a video game and decides to break free from his scripted existence.

But it's not just Reynolds who shines in this flick. Jodie Comer brings some serious girl power as Molotov Girl, the badass gamer chick who catches Guy's eye both in and out of the game. And Taika Waititi, well, he's just Taika Waititi, which is to say, he's freaking hilarious.

About the visuals, Free Guy is like a neon-soaked love letter to video games, with references galore and action sequences that'll have you on the edge of your seat. It's like playing your favorite game on steroids, with a side of witty banter.

The plot might be a bit predictable, and some of the jokes might fall flat if you're not into gaming culture. But if you're looking for a fun, action-packed movie with heart, humor, and a healthy dose of Ryan Reynolds charm, then Free Guy is definitely worth a watch.

Love, Death & Robots (2019– )

A Snarky Dive into Animated Anarchy

[9/10 · 9 May 2024]

This animated anthology series is like someone took a blender, threw in a bunch of sci-fi, fantasy, and horror tropes, hit the puree button, and out popped this deliciously bizarre concoction. Each episode is a self-contained story, ranging from the downright absurd to the oddly profound. You've got everything from sentient yogurt taking over the world to werewolf soldiers fighting in a futuristic war. Yeah, it's that kind of wild ride.

The animation styles vary from episode to episode, which keeps things interesting. One minute you're watching photorealistic humans, and the next, you're knee-deep in some trippy, neon-drenched fever dream. It's like a visual buffet, but how about the stories? Some are clever, some are downright weird, and a few might leave you scratching your head wondering what just happened. But that's part of the charm. It's like they took all the craziest ideas from a sci-fi convention and brought them to life on screen.

Love, Death & Robots isn't for the faint of heart. There's violence, nudity, and enough F-bombs to make a sailor blush. But if you can handle a little animated anarchy, you're in for a treat. It's weird, it's wild, and it's definitely worth checking out, especially if you're into offbeat animation and stories that push the boundaries of what's possible.

Russian Doll (2019–2022)

A Macabre Dance Through Time

[8/10 · 7 May 2024]

Set in the shadowy streets of New York City, Russian Doll" follows the misadventures of Nadia Vulvokov, a morbidly intriguing woman who finds herself trapped in a nightmarish time loop. Each time she meets her demise, she awakens at the same moment, trapped in a twisted game of life and death reminiscent of my own peculiar fascinations.

The series unfolds like a grim symphony, with each episode peeling back the layers of Nadia's fractured psyche like the petals of a wilted black rose. As she delves deeper into the mysteries of her predicament, she discovers that she is not alone in her temporal purgatory, encountering fellow lost souls who are also ensnared in the relentless cycle.

The character of Nadia is a captivating enigma, a modern-day Medusa whose wit and cynicism serve as a shield against the encroaching darkness. As she confronts her own demons, both literal and metaphorical, she becomes a beacon of defiance in a world consumed by entropy and despair.

What sets Russian Doll apart is its morbidly humorous exploration of themes such as mortality, trauma, and the human condition. Much like a spider spinning its web, the narrative weaves together elements of dark comedy, psychological horror, and profound introspection, creating a tapestry of macabre beauty that is as unsettling as it is mesmerizing.

Parasite (2019)

A Darkly Hilarious Dive into Class Struggles

[9/10 · 5 May 2024]

Set in South Korea, Parasite is like a rollercoaster ride through the twisted maze of class divides, where the rich are living it up in their fancy mansions while the rest of us plebs are left scraping by like crumbs on the floor.

The story follows the Kim family, a bunch of scrappy hustlers who manage to wriggle their way into the lives of the wealthy Park family faster than you can say "social climbing". It's like watching a game of cat and mouse, except the cats are wearing designer suits and the mice are pulling off the heist of the century.

Now, I won't spoil the plot twists for you, but let's just say things take a turn for the... well, let's just say they take a turn. And it's not pretty. But what is pretty is the way Bong Joon-ho manages to blend dark humor with biting social commentary like a master chef whipping up a gourmet meal.

Polar (I) (2019)

Mikkelsen's Talents Frozen in a Fractured Narrative

[6/10 · 4 May 2024]

In a landscape where action-packed thrillers have found new life through the likes of the John Wick franchise, Polar emerges as a disappointing case of squandered potential. With Mads Mikkelsen's commanding presence and a formula that has already proven successful, one would anticipate a cinematic triumph. However, what should have been a gripping tale of an assassin's struggle for survival through the snow-capped world of dangerous circumstances degenerates into a mess that makes one question where exactly it all went wrong.

The film follows Duncan Vizla, a retired hitman, as he navigates the treacherous waters of an assassination attempt on his life. The concept itself brims with promise, as Mikkelsen's brooding intensity seems tailor-made for such a role. Mikkelsen, a master of his craft, pours his considerable talents into his character. Yet, even his prowess cannot salvage a script that oscillates between absurdity and an utter lack of coherence. Moments of genuine tension and intrigue are undercut by jarring tonal shifts that make one question if the filmmakers truly knew the kind of film they wanted to make.

Cinematographically, Polar deserves praise for its moody and atmospheric visuals, creating an immersive ambiance and contributing to the film's potential for a tense and thrilling experience. While the frozen landscapes may captivate the eye, the film's plot is as ice-cold as the world it portrays, leaving audiences with a bitter chill of disappointment. Where John Wick excelled in crafting a world with its own set of rules and codes, Polar stumbles in its attempt to build a compelling universe. Instead, the audience is bombarded with a barrage of lurid characters, inconsistent motivations, and gratuitous violence that becomes more nauseating than enthralling. The film's descent into gratuitous gore and sex distracts from the potential of a nuanced narrative and, paradoxically, robs it of the sophistication it aspires to.

The Boys (2019– )

A Snarky Take on Superhero Satire

[8/10 · 3 May 2024]

This TV series is like someone took your typical cape-and-tights story, crumpled it up, and then set it on fire- in the best way possible, of course. Set in a world where superheroes are corporate-sponsored celebrities with all the flaws and scandals to match, The Boys is a dark, gritty take on the genre that doesn't pull any punches. Our ragtag group of anti-heroes, led by the charismatic Billy Butcher, are determined to take down these so-called "supes" who abuse their powers and run amok without consequence. Think of them as the Avengers, if the Avengers were a bunch of sarcastic misfits with a vendetta against spandex-clad narcissists.

But The Boys isn't just about punching bad guys in the face (although there's plenty of that). It's also a biting commentary on celebrity culture, corporate greed, and the dangers of unchecked power- the stuff that makes you question whether wearing a cape automatically makes you a hero.

Avengers: Endgame (2019)

A Satisfying Conclusion for MCU Phase 3

[8/10 · 2 May 2024]

In a fitting culmination to Phase 3 of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU), Avengers: Endgame delivers what fans have come to expect from the franchise: a spectacle of epic proportions wrapped in a familiar superhero narrative. Directed by the Russo brothers, the film ties up numerous loose ends while providing a hearty dose of entertainment.

Picking up from the aftermath of Avengers: Infinity War, where Thanos's snap left half of all life in the universe obliterated, Endgame delves into the emotional turmoil that ensues. From Tony Stark's isolation in space to the vengeful determination of the remaining heroes, the film doesn't shy away from exploring the human side of its superhuman characters.

The plot hinges on a time-travel element, an ambitious twist that allows for a nostalgic revisiting of key moments in MCU history. While this approach leads to some enjoyable and even humorous scenes, it also risks feeling like a prolonged exercise in fan service. The final confrontation, while visually striking, occasionally struggles with a sense of predictability as it's woven together.

As the heroes band together for their final stand, the film's true strength lies in its ensemble cast. Characters like Captain America and Black Widow are given moments to shine, offering resolutions to arcs that have spanned multiple movies. While the film's lengthy runtime accommodates these character beats, there are instances where pacing becomes a concern, leading to stretches that feel a tad indulgent.

Endgame excels in its technical aspects. The visuals are a treat for the eyes, as expected from a film of this magnitude. The CGI-driven battles are a delight for action aficionados, showcasing the superpowers and teamwork that have become the trademark of the MCU. Yet, it's the emotional weight that these battles carry that ultimately resonates with audiences.

In terms of closure for Phase 3, Avengers: Endgame mostly delivers. It ties up storylines and arcs that have been developed over a decade, providing a sense of conclusion and catharsis. The film succeeds in offering a sense of finality, even though there are moments where narrative convenience and familiarity override genuine surprise. It's an entertaining ride with moments of emotional resonance, and while it occasionally feels trapped by its own legacy and anticipation, it undeniably provides a satisfying conclusion to Phase 3.

Hellboy (2019)

A Hellish Disappointment in Every Sense

[6/10 · 1 May 2024]

If you were expecting a rollicking good time filled with actions, scares and the devilishly dark humor that made its comic book roots so enthralling, prepare to have your hopes crushed like a demon's skull under Hellboy's mighty fist.

From the moment this cinematic endeavor ignites, it becomes painfully evident that the only flames that this flick will be fanning are those of disappointment. It's like the filmmakers took a blender, tossed in every ingredient from the "cool stuff" recipe book, and pressed "blend" without a hint of finesse or thought.

First and foremost, where did the humor vanish? Hellboy, both in the comics and the previous film adaptations, has been an absolute quip factory. In this travesty, however, it's like his wit was sucked out by a particularly thirsty vampire. The dialogue, in its supposed attempts at humor, lands with all the grace of a brick tossed into the fiery pits of hell. Dry and devoid of the charm that should be Hellboy's signature.

And don't even get me started on the "creativity". Or rather, the lack thereof. This film is a hodgepodge of every dark fantasy trope you can think of, thrown together in a blender (again with the blender, I know, but it's a fitting metaphor for this cinematic atrocity). The result is a concoction that's more confusing than a Rubik's Cube in a house of mirrors. The filmmakers seem to have mistaken stuffing the film with mythical creatures and occult mumbo-jumbo for creating an engaging narrative.

Now, let's talk about that "final battle" debacle. Ah, the anticipation, the tingling excitement as we wait for the climactic showdown that should send shivers down our spines. But wait, what's that? Hellboy, our crimson hero, just... switches sides? He becomes a good boy because someone whispered "sit" in his pointy ear? No epic showdown, no cataclysmic clash of forces, just a whimpering surrender to the power of persuasion. It's like watching a dragon lay down and beg for belly rubs instead of breathing fire.

This film truly feels like a journey into the depths of narrative absurdity. It's as if the writers were given a dare to create the most nonsensical plot possible, and they took it to heart with zest. Pointless, convoluted, and utterly unsatisfying, Hellboy leaves you questioning the very purpose of its existence. Oh wait, I know! It's a case study in how not to adapt a beloved character for the big screen. Instead of being a roaring inferno of entertainment, it's a smoldering heap of disappointment. It's enough to make even the toughest demon shed a tear, though they'd probably do it with more style.

Alita: Battle Angel (2019)

A Mechanical Mishmash of Clichés

[5/10 · 30 April 2024]

In the domain of sci-fi cinema, there are instances when a film's grandiose promises are overshadowed by a glaring lack of substance and innovation. Alita: Battle Ange fits this unfortunate description all too well. This juggernaut-sized sci-fi movie mechanically rehashes a huge collection of genre clichés while bashing its way through an onslaught of visual effects, bad dialogue, and dull, lifeless characters. The result is an excruciating exercise in mediocrity that falls flat on multiple fronts.

One of the most glaring shortcomings of Alita: Battle Angel is its unapologetically boring plot. From start to finish, the narrative feels like a disjointed amalgamation of sci-fi tropes that have been done to death. The concept of a young, powerful protagonist discovering their true potential is by no means new, yet the film seems to think it's offering something revolutionary. Instead, audiences are subjected to a predictable and underwhelming storyline that fails to generate any genuine excitement or engagement.

At the heart of this cinematic misfire is Alita herself, whose unsettling appearance becomes a constant distraction. Her wide-eyed, uncanny valley expression makes her interactions with the other characters feel eerily artificial. While the filmmakers might have intended for Alita's appearance to evoke empathy, it ends up causing discomfort and alienation, undermining any potential emotional resonance the film could have achieved. It's baffling that a movie with such a colossal budget and technical resources couldn't manage to create a CGI character that doesn't give audiences the uncanny creeps.

Dialogue in Alita: Battle Angel is as cringe-worthy as it is forgettable. The film's attempts at emotional depth fall flat, hampered by clunky lines that elicit more eye-rolls than genuine emotional responses. Characters spout clichéd phrases and one-liners that feel lifted straight from a sci-fi movie cliché handbook. The film's inability to develop engaging relationships or dialogue is a key factor in its failure to connect with the audience.

Directed by Robert Rodriguez and co-written by James Cameron, whose previous works include classics like Terminator and Aliens, one would expect a more refined and nuanced approach to storytelling. However, Alita: Battle Angel feels lost in a bubble of its own making. It seems clueless about the real world, about real emotions, or about any other, grindingly similar movies that have come out in the real world. The film's failure to acknowledge and evolve beyond its genre's conventions underscores its missed opportunity to break new ground.

In a time when sci-fi movies are pushing the boundaries of storytelling and visual effects, Alita: Battle Angel stumbles and falls. It squanders its potential by offering nothing more than a recycled amalgamation of tired ideas and lackluster execution. For a film that boasts the combined talents of Cameron and Rodriguez, Alita: Battle Angel is a disappointing reminder that even the most promising collaborations can result in nothing more than a soulless spectacle devoid of substance.

The Promised Neverland (2019–2021)

A Dark Tale of Childhood Intrigue

[8/10 · 29 April 2024]

The Promised Neverland plunges viewers into the unsettling world of Grace Field House, an idyllic orphanage concealing a dark secret. The story follows the plight of Emma, Norman, and Ray, three exceptionally bright children who uncover the truth about their existence within the confines of the orphanage. What begins as a tale of innocent camaraderie soon morphs into a high-stakes game of cat and mouse, as the children navigate the treacherous labyrinth of lies orchestrated by their caretaker, Isabella.

The brilliance of "The Promised Neverland" lies in its ability to subvert traditional notions of childhood innocence. Beneath the façade of innocence and naivety, the children are forced to confront the harsh realities of their existence and devise cunning strategies to outwit their oppressors.

While The Promised Neverland may not be for the faint of heart, it is a captivating journey into the darkest recesses of the human psyche. It challenges viewers to question the nature of innocence, the bonds of friendship, and the lengths one will go to in order to preserve their freedom.

Good Omens (2019– )

Angels, Demons, and Armageddon

[8/10 · 28 April 2024]

Based on the novel by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, Good Omens is a hilarious yet oddly touching tale about an angel and a demon who team up to prevent the end of the world. It's like The Odd Couple meets The Book of Revelation. Michael Sheen and David Tennant absolutely steal the show as Aziraphale, the uptight angel with a penchant for rare books, and Crowley, the devilishly charming demon who's not so keen on fulfilling his demonic duties. Their chemistry is off the charts, bouncing off each other like a comedic ping-pong match.

Good Omens is ultimately a story about friendship, loyalty, and the power of redemption. It's about finding common ground in the most unlikely of places and learning to embrace your inner demons, quite literally. The pacing can be a bit uneven at times, and the plot might require a few leaps of faith (pun intended). But if you're in the mood for a wickedly funny, devilishly clever romp through the end times, Good Omens is the binge-worthy series you never knew you needed.

Bohemian Rhapsody (2018)

A Harmonious Tribute to Queen, Yet Missing Mercury's Frenzy

[7/10 · 26 April 2024]

In the grand symphony of music biopics, Bohemian Rhapsody emerges as a harmonious ode to the legendary rock band Queen, skillfully weaving together their meteoric rise and the indelible legacy of their charismatic frontman, Freddie Mercury. A cinematic journey through a treasure trove of Queen's spectacular songs, the film's meticulous attention to detail in recreating the iconic Live Aid performance deserves applause. However, while Bohemian Rhapsody shines as a well-crafted production, it's not without its own share of limitations, particularly in capturing the unbridled essence of the larger-than-life Freddie Mercury.

The film undeniably thrives on its musical prowess. With toe-tapping numbers that traverse genres and ignite emotions, the soundtrack becomes the beating heart of the movie. The electric renditions of Bohemian Rhapsody, We Will Rock You and Radio Ga Ga give the audience a taste of Queen's unparalleled artistry. The centerpiece, the Live Aid concert, is a masterstroke of accurate recreation, from the precise stage setup to the infectious energy that flowed between the band and the audience. This segment alone pays homage to one of rock history's most unforgettable moments.

Yet, even as Bohemian Rhapsody dazzles with its song-and-dance routines, it falters in painting the full spectrum of Freddie Mercury's vibrant persona. Rami Malek, who won accolades for his portrayal of Mercury, impeccably mimics the singer's mannerisms and stage presence. Nevertheless, the PG-13 film tends to steer clear of Mercury's R-rated complexities, portraying him more as a misunderstood artist than as the wild force of nature he was.

Mercury's journey from Farrokh Bulsara to the icon who changed the face of rock 'n' roll is marked by both triumphs and tribulations. However, the movie often seems hesitant to delve too deep into his personal life, choosing instead to gloss over the more controversial and poignant aspects. While it's understandable that some artistic liberties were taken for the sake of a mass audience, it's disappointing to witness Mercury's tumultuous relationships and inner battles given such a restrained treatment.

The dichotomy between the sanitized depiction of Mercury and the film's own message of celebrating authenticity becomes evident. The exhilarating high points in Mercury's life are captured with a sense of reverence, but the lows are approached with a sense of caution. This imbalance prevents Bohemian Rhapsody from achieving the raw emotional impact it could have had.

Bohemian Rhapsody is a well-crafted and entertaining tribute to Queen and their extraordinary music, seamlessly weaving together iconic songs and memorable moments. The film's meticulous reconstruction of the Live Aid performance is a commendable feat in itself. However, its reluctance to fully embrace the unbridled spirit of Freddie Mercury holds it back from transcending the realm of a mere biographical retelling. While the film serves as a gateway for newer generations to discover Queen's legacy, it leaves room for a more daring and candid exploration of the enigma that was Freddie Mercury.

A Star Is Born (2018)

Cinematic Echoes: A Familiar Tune in a New Arrangement

[7/10 · 25 April 2024]

In the ever-evolving world of cinema, certain narratives seem to find a way to resurrect themselves time and again, much like a phoenix rising from the ashes. This brings us to the 2018 rendition of A Star is Born, a film that inherently echoes the timeless adage: "a star has to die for a star to be born." With its fourth incarnation gracing the silver screen, Bradley Cooper's directorial debut brings a new spin to this old tale. While the movie emerges as a decent production, it can't quite shake off the lingering sensation of cinematic déjà vu.

The core of the narrative remains a poignant and heartrending exploration of love, ambition, and the toll that fame exacts on the human spirit. Cooper adeptly steps into the shoes of Jack Maine, a seasoned musician wrestling with personal demons, whose fateful encounter with Ally, portrayed with gusto by Lady Gaga, acts as a catalyst for both their lives. Their magnetic chemistry and palpable emotional connection lend authenticity to their tumultuous journey, as fame's spotlight threatens to unravel not only their relationship but also their individual identities. It's in these performances that the movie finds its saving grace, as they breathe life into the all-too-familiar tale.

However, despite these commendable performances, it's difficult to ignore the sensation that we've walked this path before. The film's predecessors, dating back to the 1937 original, followed by the 1954 musical and the 1976 rock-centric remake, have left an indelible mark on cinematic history. This 2018 version, while sporting a modern aesthetic and a twang of authenticity in its depiction of the music industry's inner workings, still struggles to break free from the shadows of its past incarnations, diluting the impact of its emotional punches. It's a good endeavor in its own right, but one can't help but wish for a fresh narrative constellation that ventures beyond the well-worn skies of previous versions.

Crazy Rich Asians (2018)

A Shallow Celebration of Opulence Over Originality

[5/10 · 24 April 2024]

In the world of romantic comedies, Crazy Rich Asians makes a grand entrance with all the subtlety of a glittering parade. While its visually opulent portrayal of Singapore's upper echelon is undoubtedly captivating, the film falls short of delivering much beyond superficial clichés and a disheartening focus on the ostentatious aspects of Asian affluence. Beneath the glitzy façade, it struggles to offer a meaningful narrative or authentic representation.

The film's premise, which revolves around the classic "rags to riches" trope, feels as outdated as it is unoriginal. The narrative formula of an ordinary girl swept off her feet by a dashing prince is well-worn territory. In this case, Rachel Chu (Constance Wu) plays the role of the unsuspecting Cinderella, unwittingly becoming entangled in the whirlwind world of Singapore's elite when she accompanies her boyfriend, Nick Young (Henry Golding), to his best friend's wedding. The plot's predictability does little to ignite any genuine emotional investment.

Crazy Rich Asians appears more fixated on flaunting the extravagance of the nouveau riche in Asia, rather than delving into the complexities of the characters or exploring their deeper struggles. The film seems content to rely on the age-old dichotomy of old money versus new money, often caricaturing the nouveau riche characters as over-the-top and crass, solely to juxtapose them against the elegance of the old-guard Singaporean elite. This focus on excessive displays of wealth ends up overshadowing any chance for the characters to develop and for the audience to empathize with them.

What's particularly disappointing is the film's missed opportunity to celebrate Asian culture and portray its nuances. Instead of offering a rich tapestry of Asian experiences, Crazy Rich Asians falls into the trap of exoticizing and oversimplifying the culture. It often reduces characters to their ethnicities, relying on shallow stereotypes that do a disservice to the rich diversity within the Asian community.

Furthermore, the film's romantic subplot, though meant to be heartwarming, struggles to escape the constraints of its predictable formula. Rachel and Nick's Cinderellaesque love story, although charmingly portrayed by the lead actors, ultimately succumbs to the pressures of conventionality, leaving little room for innovation or genuine emotional connection.

Crazy Rich Asians may dazzle with its glitzy visuals and extravagant settings, but beneath the surface, it fails to deliver a compelling narrative or authentic representation. The film's reliance on clichés and its fixation on showcasing the ostentatiousness of Asian affluence detract from any genuine character development or exploration of culture. As a result, what could have been a fresh and insightful exploration of love, identity, and family becomes a lackluster retelling of a tale we've seen too many times before.

BlacKkKlansman (2018)

Missed Opportunities and Polarizing Agendas

[7/10 · 23 April 2024]

BlacKkKlansman attempts to use history as a springboard to address serious issues such as race relations and political ideologies, but unfortunately falls short in its execution, leaving audiences with a film that disappointingly leans towards polarizing narratives. While the film aims to offer trenchant commentary on current events, it often succumbs to the allure of political propaganda and black exploitation, ultimately undermining its potential impact.

The movie's overt political perspective is hard to ignore, as it seemingly attempts to mold history to fit a particular agenda. While this premise holds promise for a nuanced exploration of systemic racism, the movie frequently veers into didacticism, sacrificing subtlety for heavy-handed messaging. The narrative's approach to politics becomes its Achilles' heel, as it often feels more like a one-sided sermon than an opportunity for genuine discourse. This lack of balance detracts from the film's credibility and prevents it from being the thought-provoking exploration it aspires to be.

Furthermore, BlacKkKlansman unfortunately exhibits signs of what could be labeled as black exploitation. While the intention may have been to highlight historical injustices and empower marginalized voices, there are moments when the film seems to capitalize on black suffering for dramatic effect. This raises ethical questions about how sensitive topics should be portrayed on screen, and whether the film is genuinely honoring the experiences it seeks to depict or simply exploiting them for shock value.

While the film's performances are undoubtedly strong, particularly John David Washington's portrayal of the protagonist, the characters often feel more like mouthpieces for ideologies rather than well-rounded individuals. This detracts from the authenticity of the story and makes it challenging for audiences to fully invest in their journeys.

Despite its ambitions, BlacKkKlansman fails to strike a balance between history and contemporary relevance. Its heavy-handed political perspective and questionable portrayal of historical trauma undermine its potential as a vehicle for dialogue and understanding. Rather than fostering genuine conversations about racial issues and identity, the film falls into the trap of polarizing rhetoric and a sense of exploitation that hampers its ability to contribute to meaningful change.