I don't know why it's so widely accepted by filmmakers, but a Conan movie must start with his family being slaughtered. This, of course, has nothing to do with the original Conan. By original i mean on Robert E. Howard's stories and not on Millius' 1982 movie adaptation. This Conan movie, like 1982 version, starts with his village being destroyed, all his loved one's killed, and young Conan surviving and becoming a strong warrior searching for vengeance.
For a long time i've been waiting for new Conan to be made. I was kinda hoping that whoever ends up making it will take it seriously and not just try to make a money making franchise, which they tried to do, but failed since the movie didn't do good at the box office. A lot of directors, producers and writers have been attached to the project over the years, but none of them sticked with it which shows who even considered making this movie. It surely wasn't someone who had any sort of passion for it. Except, maybe and probably, the passion for money only. And don't get me wrong, it's common sense that no one will invest into something that he/she thinks won't bring the profit. But just because you're trying to make money doesn't mean you shouldn't be trying to make a good movie also. If Conan one day finds it self in the right hands, i'm sure it'll be a good movie and a money maker, both. Unfortunately for us fans, and as it seems for them too, this time around it wasn't either of those things.
When i first heard that the same person that directed Pathfinder, Marcus Nispel, is set to direct new Conan my hopes and general enthusiasm went quite low. Though, i remained hopeful that miracle will happen. In vein, unfortunately. I also wasn't excited about Sean Hood writing it. This was a disaster formula all around. Than i read SH's blog where he wrote how he's a good writer but that the studios always change scripts from good to terrible because they think they'll make more money that way. This gave me some of my hope back but, whether it's the studios or just him writing a bad script, i came back to reality as soon as the movie started, in one of the dumbest first fifteen minutes i've ever seen. I won't say too much, but let's say that there is a super dumb baby delivering scene and than some other stupid scenes including young Conan...!
Than, of course, after several actors were considered and even set for the part, Jason Momoa was cast as the most famous Barbarian of all times. This was, like many things about the whole project, disappointing. I thought he's way better than anyone who's been speculated to take the role so far, but still not the right choice. I've seen him in some TV series and figured he can't act. Of all the things about this movie, i never thought that he'll be the one to prove me wrong. Glad he did. He's nothing like the trailer suggests. He's not this wooden, rusty voiced, irritating guy. Instead, he does a very good job. Well, i wouldn't go too far so i'll just say that he's definitely not what i thought he'll be and i wouldn't be mad if he played the role again. There isn't really a lot of acting in a Conan movie, but he has his ways with the sword. Like i said, he's much better than the trailer suggests and my excitement could be coming because i thought he'll be terrible, but still, i think he did a good job and wouldn't mind seeing him again.
The only two things that could be called good about the whole movie are action and violence. Visuals are average, music decent, but far from being more, cinematography too plastic and fantasy like, and so on.. There is one cool, barbaric nose fingering scene and a couple of cool action sequences, but that's about it. Also, i think the entire picture went to hell in the last 30 minutes. The ending location and the ending it self are just awful. The entire picture was literally moved from sand beaches and stuff to a Mordor like sewer.
Another bad thing is that the entire movie is extremely predictable. It was expected to be, but did they really have to put every cliché they could find in it?! And the last fight sucked hard. Fights, that is. Choreography was fine through out, but they messed it up badly with the most important part! The most important part as far as action choreography goes, anyways. Which the entire movie is made off, actually. Fights, fights and some more fights. I wouldn't even mind the fact that i knew from the very beginning that a woman will fight a woman, and that a man will fight a man, but when you make something the ultimate destination of the entire movie and your leading character, which is Conan fighting Khalar and so on, you can at least make something spectacular out of it.
And why is Conan constantly stabbing his sword in the ground? Scene after scene after scene... At the end of every fight he stabs his sword in the ground. Or holds it up high. Can anyone tell me why? Can't he just put it on his back or something? Or anything, but stab it in the ground?!?
Like it says in the summery, i'm giving it five only because Clash Of The Titans, which is five times worse, has a higher rating. Usually i'd probably give it a four. Wouldn't recommend it, but it's not boring. Expect nothing and you'll get something, expect something and you'll be disappointed!
2.5 / 6
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