Jhetto Reviews

The Whale (2022)

Oscar Loves Prosthetics -- SPOILERS!

[2/10 · 3 March 2023]

Oscar has always loved transformative makeup and complex prosthetics, so let's be honest, the real star of "The Whale" is the fat suit.

The old stage play, recycled for the big screen, left me with that queasy feeling of gawking at helpless animals in a zoo, or slowing to stare at a car wreck on the side of a freeway. I don't know what was more unsettling in this film, the mawkishness or the cynicism. It's the perfect piece for our postmodern times, characters who are depressed, bitter, and completely incapable of achieving that dated Hollywood value of transcendence.

A sweaty Charlie opens the movie with a disgusting masturbation session, and fills the next few hours stuffing his face with greasy pizza and oozing meatball subs. Then there's the in-your-face vomiting scene, which has become as common in recent productions as the fart joke. Is this really what qualifies as film making excellence?

No doubt Brendon Frazier - and the makeup - carry the film. Sadie Sink was also strong as Ellie, but her character was so irredeemably toxic and malevolent it was repulsive. It made no sense to me that Liz, the nurse and sister of the deceased lover, wilfully ignored Charlie's pending demise and his his mental trauma, but dutifully enabled his food addiction. Why did she carefully measure his blood pressure each day, while failing to dial 911 and get him some help? The ex-wife was a bitter alcoholic unable to move beyond losing Charlie to another man. Her life's work was to stoke hatred for Charlie in their daughter, and here she succeeds in spades. Both Hong Chau and Samantha Morton could benefit from a few acting workshops.

I'm not sure why critics love to laud "complex"and "flawed" personalities. The vision here the same old same old. Cynical, embittered characters, unable to move beyond their personal tragedies. The world is full of wounded people stuck in the past, and five minutes ago, the movies entertained and captivated us with stories of how sometimes, we could rise above it. Today instead, we get a close shot of a character vomiting in a toilet bowl. We've thrown in the towel on challenging people to rise up; but if we shed a tear or two for these unfortunate folks, please, feel free to gawk.

If this movie made me cry, it would be for the two hours I wasted.

The King (I) (2019)

Netflix releases *The King* - alas, poor Shakespeare

[5/10 · 2 November 2019]

I'm all for re-staging Shakespeare, but the bard doesn't need much help.

Over four centuries ago, he was already dealing with 21st century issues: the crisis of leadership, separation of Church and state, the clash of cultures, class struggle, and the intersection of God, politics and history.

The big question about *The King*, is "why?". Timothée Chalamet, hobbled by a weak script, is swallowed up by his role. Prince Hal Shakespeare's ultimate King; Chalamet is barely a prom king. And the bard's iconic Falstaff, who scoffs at authority and believes honour is never worth death, is mysteriously transformed here into a military hero who leads a suicide mission.

*The King* was made for fans of "Game of Thrones", not for fans of Shakespeare. If you love the Henry plays, check out the BBC's 2012 production, "The Hollow Crown", a more faithful adaptation with Tom Hiddleston's superb performance as Prince Hal.

The Bourne Ultimatum (2007)

Hand-held Hatchet Job

[16 September 2007]

Director Paul Greengrass has managed to turn a compelling screenplay into a big headache as he skips through the third installment of the Jason Bourne saga with his annoying perpetual motion camera. Greengrass savaged another top notch script -- United 93 -- with the same distracting and manipulative hand-held technique.

Great car chases? I think so, but I can't be sure because I'm focused on a tire, a headlight and part of a steering wheel in quick two second cuts worthy of an MTV video. These are linked together with long rapid pans that leave nothing but a blur racing across the screen.

Okay Paul, we get it. The shaky camera is supposed to subconsciously evoke the tension and excitement we feel watching news or documentary footage from war zones, riots or political conventions. How about evoking those feels with better scripts, better writing and better story telling? Too challenging? Come on -- Blair Witch was supposed to be shot by kids on their hand-held Best Buy camcorder. But is that really how we want all our movies to look? I've seen better cinematography from a drunken uncle at a wedding reception. We expect a little more from a high budget, professional, and artistic venture.

Popcorn at a Greengrass film? I'll take the Gravol.

Adaptation. (2002)

Tedious Start; Explosive Climax

[1 January 2003]

About halfway through "Adaptation" Charlie Kaufman's agent tells him it doesn't matter how bad a screenplay is, as long as it has a big finish. In many ways, that sums up "Adaptation", which plods along though a first half, filled with navel gazing characters who are neither compelling, nor even particularly likable.

Charlie Kaufman (Cage) suffers writers block and spend hours telling himself he's fat and repulsive. Twin brother Donald has a healthier approach to life, but mostly comes across as a self-absorbed, insensitive boob, constantly interrupting and intruding upon his brother's work and life. Author Susan Orlean (Streep) seems snobbish and fearful. And John LaRoche, subject of Orlean's novel, is pitiful and creepy at the same time. Having fun yet? I certainly wasn't, as I struggled to maintain interest in watching these unappealing characters trudge through their lives. Earth to Spike -- what were you thinking?

One bright spot was an excellent performance by Brian Cox as Robert McKee, the sarcastic, intimidating writing coach.

Anyone who survives the endurance test of the first half is rewarded with a jarring twist and an explosive finish as the dull character study unexpectedly changes lanes and becomes an action movie, complete with kidnapping, car crashes, alligator attacks and plenty of gun fighting. What just happened here?

"Adaptation" turns out to be an excellent movie; I know because great films always intrude on my thoughts for days after I see them. This one initially bored me, and made me angry, but it also made me feel things I didn't want to feel, in must the same way as "Punch Drunk Love." Like many great books, "Adaptation" demands no small investment of effort before it's gifts can be fully appreciated.

Punch-Drunk Love (2002)

Punch-Drunk is a Knockout

[12 November 2002]

Punch-Drunk Love left me reeling, dizzy, and disoriented.

Here's a film that's tight, taunting and terrifying. Its totally fresh, and full of surprizes. Stretches of mundanity are punctuated with explosions of rage and violence. A shapeless threat constantly lurks just outside our field of vision. Waiting.

From the opening scene, a eerily deserted early morning street, a long uncomfortable silence shattered as a car screeches into view, flies out of control, rolls over and is smashed to pieces in a wild, ear splitting crash.

Barry Egan's life could be headed for a similar sudden crash. He struggles quietly to maintain control, living in fear, never quite shaking the relentless stress and tension that slowly close in on his world. We keenly feel that stress, thanks to Sandler's suprizingly rich performance, the amazing soundtrack, the brilliant cinematography, and the sharp edits.

This is a film that assaults as much as it entertains. But its a film that's well worth seeing. In a season of super spies, wizards, and jackasses, Barry Egan's surreal world is a much needed tonic.

Bowling for Columbine (2002)

Long on Emotion; Sort on Fact

[8 November 2002]

Nobody pushes our hot buttons like Michael Moore, and his m.o. is stronger than ever in Bowling for Columbine.

Moore is at his best when he skewers the PR flacks and B List celebrities, and he does it with style, attacking Lockheed, KMart, Dick Clark, and Charlton Heston. His interview with John Nichols is downright creepy. When Nichols flashes his eyes at the camera, or puts a loaded gun to his head, it's scarier than any Halloween flick in recent memory. The film's historical animated sequence (from the makers of South Park) is nothing short of brilliant.

Moore loses me, however, when he plays to the 'Death to America' crowd. He hits below the best with his list of American war 'crimes', and image after image of rows of neatly arranged corpses. Moore's rolling list of US led wars is slanted, inaccurate and unfair. As Louis Armstrong croons "Wonderful World" (remember a similar sequence in 'Good Morning Vietnam' in the 80's?), America is portrayed as the bloodthirsy butcher of the Indochinese, South and Central Americans, and Iraqi children. Even NATO's intervention to stop ethnic cleansing in Kosovo is portrayed as criminal.

Moore is more on target when he leaves foreign policy and sticks with the culture of fear.

Yet he totally misses the point on gun violence. America has more gun deaths because there are more guns available, period. Moore's assertion that Canadians have as many guns per capita is only half true. Canadians have shotguns and rifles. America's problems are related to handguns -- portable, go anywhere weapons -- which are rare in Canada and elsewhere in the world.

Moore's thinly veiled explotiation of American tragedies is unforgivable. He uses Culumbine kids, the 911 tapes, video from inside the school, images of the Oklahoma City bombing, and the ubiquitous replay of the Twin Towers collapse, not to imform, but to sensationalize.

This film is Moore at his best and his worse. An unshaven millionaire making a fortune on the very system he purports to expose.

Shallow Hal (2001)

Hal: Shallow or Spiteful

[25 July 2002]

"Shallow Hal" should be a harmless little morality play on finding inner beauty. It is, instead, a mean spirited film that seems to confirm all the things it preaches against.

Fat jokes and stereotypes abound; and may even have been funny if not so utterly far fetched. In one particularly stupid segment, the fat girl is so heavy she breaks her seat at a restaurant. Dumb, unkind and unlikely. Thirty minutes later: fat girl breaks another chair at a different restaurant.

How is Hal supposed to get beyond the unattractive fat? The fat girl herself thinks she's unattractive. Her father also says she's unattractive. At least Hal is shallow. What's Dad's excuse?

Fat people also have no manners. When offered a slice of cake, Rosemary breaks off one-third, grabs it in her bare hand, and walks off through her Dad's office. Do the Farrelly's really think this is how obese people behave? This may fly in "Dumb and Dumber", but Paltrow's character is far from dumb, she is after all educated and affluent.

To show us none of us is above being petty and judgmental, the Farrelly's use a character with crippled, withered legs which drag behind him as he walks, doubled over on his hands. The device is particularily jarring. This characters big joke comes when during a road trip fuel stop when Hal asks why he's donning rubber gloves. "Have you ever walked across a gas station restroom on with your bare hands," he replies. Makes me long for the sophistication of "American Pie."

"Shallow Hal" has it's moments of brilliance, offering a look at the world from some radically different perspectives. But those moments are too few. Sitting through this movie left me with the same feeling I get when I hear a racist joke or see someone ridiculed.

Perhaps the working title was "Hateful Hal." I can't understand why people get so uptight about sex and nudity, when something obscene as this little flick slip under the radar.

The Bourne Identity (2002)

Stop! I'm Dizzy!

[21 June 2002]

"The Bourne Identity" has the most annoying cinematography since "The Blair Witch Project."

The entire film looks like it was shot by a drunk with a Sony camcorder. Here's a cheekbone, here's a gun barrel, here's a fingernail. The viewer is assaulted by extreme close ups, and woosy from the endless panning. Fifty percent of the movie is blurred imagery.

Memo to Hollywood: this pretentious crap works well in a three minute dance video. It becomes something of an endurance test when served up in a stretch of 118 minutes. Pass the gravol.

Ice Age (2002)

Shrek, Schmeck...Ice Age is Hot

[22 March 2002]

Don't miss Ice Age!

Sure, the prehistoric flick has been clubbed and dragged away by the critics; granted this movie is no Shrek, not even Monster's Inc; but who cares?

Ice Age is fun fun, fun! Like Jimmy Neutron before it, Ice Age has become the object of unfavorable comparisons to the great computer animated films. What a lame criticism. Not every film will be a Shrek. Not every play is Hamlet. So what.

Ice Age has some great characters, good voice work, excellent animation and lots of laughs. Forget the snobbish criticism. Go have fun, already.

Moulin Rouge! (2001)

Gilbert & Sullivan Meets MTV

[10/10 · 12 June 2001]

If Baz Luhrmann's "Romeo + Juliet" (1996) was Shakespeare for the MTV generation, "Moulin Rouge" is Gilbert & Sullivan on ecstacy.

Laurmann's over the top portrait of turn of the century Paris is an explosion of sound and color that leaves the audience dizzy, disoriented, and begging for more. Its so sad it's being seen by so small an audience. This is a big, bold, daring, tasty, entertainment extravaganza that blows the doors off the theater. It's everything a movie should be, and then some. Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor are surprisingly appealing in their doomed love affair, and Jim Broadbent's brilliant turn as Zidler is in itself, worth the price of admission. A send up of Madonna's "Like a Virgin", with the rotund and whiskered Zidler as the blushing maiden should go down as a classic in cinematic comedy. From the love triangle, to the play within a play; from the mustache twirling plots to the wild score and breathtaking choreography, Moulin Rouge stands in a class by itself. So inventive and so beautiful are the production design and cinematography that they could literally stand alone. Laurmann propels us through the mean streets of Paris at breakneck speed, treats us to a magical waltz on moonlit clouds, and even serves up a glittering green fairy and a chubby faced singing moon. He jams the screen with illusions to other films ranging from "American Beauty", "Titanic", "Singing in The Rain", and his own "Strictly Ballroom."

One can only hope that this under-appreciated effort will one day be recognized for the masterpiece it is. Bravo Baz!