macgruder Reviews

Massacre on Aisle 12 (2016)

Tried really hard...

[4/10 · 25 February 2020]

...but failed.

This movie has it all.

Low budget Bad acting Terrible lighting One crappy location Bad jokes Terrible fight choreography Lots of very racist dialogue

I found myself cringing almost once a minute.

Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018)

Better than to be expected.

[10/10 · 27 May 2018]

I'll Keep it short but I greatly enjoyed this movie when I had no right to enjoy it this much.

Taking an iconic character and throwing an unknown actor into the role that nobody will appreciate is a rough thing to try to sell. The fan backlash happened upon its initial announcement.

I think Alden and the supporting cast did a fine job of showing younger versions of our favorites. Plenty of good action and it didn't feel stale at any point.

A Star Wars movie like this isn't going to be as big as the last two franchise entries and I think fans are having a hard time understanding that.

I enjoyed it immensely and hope they get a chance to expand this story with a few more sequels.

Go check it out!

Worm (I) (2013)

Brilliant execution.

[10/10 · 4 September 2015]

This film is one with a gimmick. A big one. Shot entirely with a GoPro strapped to his chest, director/star Andrew Bowser pulls off an amazing feat with this film.

From what I've read it was shot in two 50 minute takes. The logistics of this film shoot must have taken Bowser, the other actors and producers a long, long time to figure out.

The story is of "Worm", a loser living in a small town in Oklahoma, who gets wrapped up in a tale of murder, deceit and betrayal after agreeing to do an odd job for a mysterious outsider in town for business. He has to navigate throughout the town, trying to avoid both the police and the people behind the crimes he is being accused of.

This all happens in 90 minutes of real time in which we watch Worm try to navigate throughout places and people all while we see every second of what he is doing from the front of his face. The decision to make the film this way makes you really pay attention to the acting of Bowser and realize that he is a very fine actor. The exclusion of most of the other actors besides a few glimpses behind Worm's back and their voices has you blind to most of the scenarios surrounding the actor, but also increasing your sympathy for him at the same time. It's like looking into someone's soul for an hour and a half and feeling what they are feeling, whether you want to or not.

I've seen most of Andrew Bowser's other work that he has done. Several full length movies, dozens of shorts that he has directed and this one seems the most personable to me. I really enjoyed it and look forward to his next feature film.

It's freely available on youtube in it's entirety so check it out.

Traffickers (2015)

Great independent film

[9/10 · 22 April 2015]

Having seen the director's previous film, this one surpassed my expectations. The film follows a group of young drug dealers in rural Pennsylvania as they struggle to keep their empire afloat and deal with the challenges of rival dealers.

The acting was fantastic as it was fleshed out with mostly actors who are new to the scene. They all conveyed a sense of honesty and gravitas reserved for more seasoned actors and filmmakers. Using some high end camera equipment, the movie looks beautiful and was edited well.

The plot revolves around a dealer and his cohorts being approached to do a deal with a new buyer and how some behind the scenes scheming ends up in tragedy. You feel the loss in their performances and sympathize with their plight for revenge, regardless of it's moral and legal implications down the road.

Very well acted overall, some nice twists and turns along the way. I look forward to seeing Sean Roberts future films, he has a knack for this.

The Fate of Phoenix (2011)

Pretty cool idea.

[7/10 · 15 January 2012]

When i read the premise, I immediately thought of Groundhog's Day and the other "wake up the same day over and over again" movies. The Fate of Phoenix has some similar ideas, but also varies off on it's own tangent.

The main character, Phoenix, has been dying for 265 days straight, differently each day, meeting the same people each day, each of which has a new name and life each day. The short film follows him through the 266th day, bringing the viewer with him throughout his daily routine.

Without spoiling anything, I will say that the ending was something I didn't see coming and I thought it worked well in the psychological realm of playing with reality and the subconscious.

My only real complaint about the movie was the inclusion of numerous hard rock songs during it that felt very out of placed and forced. A simple score would have been more poignant in most of the scenes. Other than that, the acting was pretty good, cinematography beautiful at times and even the special effects seemed pretty good the few times the used them.

Check it out for free here on IMDb if you have a spare 30 minutes, maybe you'll find it a happy surprise like I did.

Stoney (2010)

Great short film. Totally out there.

[28 January 2010]

I recently saw this short film not knowing anything about it. I think that is probably the best way to watch it. Its a bit off the wall and out there, but the directing was very well done. It had a really cool little story to tell and the acting by Tom Noonan was fantastic. It is great to see him get a a nice juicy role that is a bit different from his normal roles. In fact I cant recall seeing any character like this one in any film I've seen.

If you get the opportunity to see this, check it out. I think the director has a lot of potential to go on to a feature film, if he can keep this unique style of storytelling going.

Blood Trail (II) (2010)

Fun independent horror film.

[5/10 · 19 December 2008]

I go to see a screening of this recently with the director and some of the cast in attendance. I was pleasantly surprised with the film. You can tell the director is a big fan of horror by the way he made the movie. They are some nods to horror classics from the 70's-90's. Late night camp outs, getting lost in the woods and bitter sheriffs. The acting was good and the actors all seemed competent to carry a film. I didn't see the ending coming at all, a very cool twist. If you like horror and/or independent film, give it a shot, you will probably like it.

When speaking to he director he said that this was mostly made to show what he can do with a limited budget. If that's the case, I cannot wait to see his next project with funding.

The Birthday (I) (2004)

Pretty awesome cult film

[10/10 · 13 August 2008]

* I updated my review from 2008 to when i just saw it again in 2023

In 2004, Corey Feldman made a movie called The Birthday, in Spain. It never made it to America besides a few film festivals.

Jordan Peele had a film festival this week at the Walter Reede Theater and he wanted to close it out with this film. This was essentially the US world premiere, almost 20 years later.

I had seen this movie probably a decade ago thanks to the internet, but it was a crummy German dvd rip and it really lost a lot of its detail and sound design. This screening was a 35 mm print and it looked and sounded amazing.

Corey and the director Eugenio Mira were both in attendance to speak briefly before the start and to have a 25 minute Q&A after the film ended.

The film itself is about a man named Norman (Feldman) who is attending a birthday party for his girlfriend's father at the hotel he owns. What starts out as a relationship plot slowly over time deviates into something more sinister. Throughout the movie, there is a building undertone of dread and mystery as the soundtrack drones on with weird ambient noises that sneak up on you from the background.

About a third of the way in, things start to get weird. Unfolding slowly is the real plot, involving a religious cult who believe that the beast that will usher in the end of the world is being born in that hotel that night.

I don't want to go too much further into the plot, but the last 15 minutes or so are so visually and aurally intense and there is so much chaos going on all at once. It reminded me a lot of some of David Lynch's work. Seeing it in the theater really brought out the sound design, which was one of my favorite parts of this movie.

Feldman is at his best here. He plays the character with a tinge of comedy, channeling Peter Falk (during the q&a, he claims he was doing a Pacino impression from Dog Day Afternoon but I'm not gonna agree). He's got a weird voice that is ridiculous at first but after two minutes I couldn't see him playing it any other way. He plays the opposite of his usual cool and confident characters as a meek nebbish pushover. This characteristic is a major part of the plot as he tries the entire movie to get his girlfriend aside to have a serious talk about their relationship but he's constantly being ignored.

The film has plenty of weird stuff going on, strange characters throughout and a lot of comedy at the expense of the weird. Feldman plays out a lot of slapstick comedy in this film and it works well. The entire film is set inside the hotel so you see the same sets over and over again but you never get bored of the scenery.

Feldman and Mira spent a good amount of time answering questions about the film after the film ended. A bunch of good stories were told and it was being filmed. Perhaps that footage will make it to a BluRay release at some point in the future.

Highly recommended.

The Black Ninja (2003 Video)

Straight to video silliness.

[19 May 2004]

I'm a big fan of B-movies, and this one takes the cake for best B-movie of 2003. Shot on what I presume is video, as the film takes several different looks to the screen throughout, the film starts with the credits "written and directed by 'Me' ". Priceless. Who starts their film out like that? Clayton Prince does.

The plot is basically a ripoff of the Daredevil comic/movie. Malik Ali(Prince) is an "infamous lawyer" who defends criminals (who are guilty no less, makes no sense) then at night he fights the same criminals with his ninja abilities, which aren't too impressive. He uses the moniker Black Ninja to hide his identity, along with a batman style mask.

He ends up protecting a female witness who is standing trial against a crime boss, who for most of the movie, is getting massaged by two homely masseuses in bikinis. In the crime boss' employ are members of the WWW Wrestling federation, and you can tell they have no acting skills when it comes to their line delivery.

The action scenes aren't the worst I've seen but are funny enough to make them seem very poor. The Black Ninja uses the same moves throughout the movie, making it seem like a video game, and Prince decided it would be a good idea to do triple takes when something semi-impressive happens. These triple takes are some of the funniest parts of the movie. Plot holes abound throughout the movie, including a scene where the Black Ninja's identity is exposed to the woman he is protecting, and a love scene ensues, but there are dead bodies on the floor next to the bed that are not mentioned again, while they make love (which is only shown as kissing of her shoulders and cut to a post-coitus scene.

The main fight comes with the Red Ninja, who is in fact one of Malik's first cases, who ended up killing his family years prior to the fight. Acted by a japanese fellow with horrible English language skills, the Red Ninja is embarrassingly a formidable opponent for our likewise poor hero.

If you like bad movies and have run out of older ones from the 80's pick this one up, I found it at my local video store. I'm sure you'll enjoy it.

Things I learned:

1.Anyone with a computer can get classified files on criminals.

2.Dead bodies seem to disappear when a sex scene comes up.

3.Wrestlers make poor villains,

4.Friends of the director shouldn't be cast as small parts because they laugh after something serious happens.

5.Pictures of loved ones last for more than 5 years of being left on a gravestone in open weather conditions.

6.Poor lighting makes leading actresses look like zombies.

Battlefield Baseball (2003)

Absurd but hilarious

[16 March 2004]

I watched this movie not knowing much about it, but after watching it, I can truly say this is one of the most absurd movies I have ever seen. The Japanese love to mix genres, and with this one it is comedy, action, zombie film and musical all rolled into one big laugh fest. The wackiness starts off with a baseball team trying to make it to the finals but facing their first opponents the Gedo team, which consists of zombie/demons kills almost the entire team.

A rogue ex-player joins the high school and is recruited to the failed team in hopes that they can defeat them. The recruitment leads to the films first of 3 (that I can remember) comedic musical numbers giving background information on the characters.

The wide array of characters blends well for the film, and lends to the ridiculous scenes with the team facing off against the Gedo zombie team, who have their own rules for baseball, which doesnt even contain the actual game of baseball, but just attacking the other team attempting to kill them all. A movie that has to be seen to be believed. Theres no way this strange humor would work in America, so if you like off the wall comedies, try to get a copy of this movie and see for yourself.

Horrorvision (2001 Video)

blatant Matrix ripoff

[3 July 2002]

This movie was not at all horrifying, let alone allowed to be let into the horror genre. The only thing horrifying was the plot.

The characters lead us to believe that all people associated with the internet dress in black latex and leather. It also wants us to think that by having a miniboss that ends up killing itself and a final boss that looks like a pile of trash on stilts is supposed to make us scared for our life.

The worst part is the driving sequences. One lasts past 5 minutes, consisting of a goth song that was probably put into the movie because the band paid them, and the visuals are simply two characters driving down a highway showing the same shots over and over again.

The plot is weak as well. The main characters girlfriend gets sucked into oblivion after viewing a website, horrorvision.com (which was a porno site when I went to it today). His girlfriend gets sucked away , and he doesnt even question it. He simply packs up a few things and leaves. If my girlfriend was sucked into oblivion, I would ask a few questions, or maybe call up the police, not run away.

Then he meets a character who is a direct ripoff of Morpheus from the Matrix, telling Dez (the main character) that the website created itself out of pure horror.

**SPOILERS**: the ending is not even resolved at the end, they meet some lame pile of garbage mentioned before. He busts the watch that he came out of and thats it. THATS IT!? I sat through 70 minutes of boring footage to see this? Please dont watch this movie, it is not good. Check out some of Full Moon's more competent movies.

American Psycho (2000)

Good, but with Flaws

[8/10 · 17 April 2000]

I have read the book so I fully understood the movie. But to those who have not read the book, it may come off as being jumpy and boring.

The transition to film gave it a few flaws. It was too rushed, many of the best parts were left out or changed. So keep this in mind if you're going to see it.

If you liked the movie, go read the book, you'll love it.

Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe (1990)

Cover is misleading

[5/10 · 21 February 2000]

I saw this movie in the store and thought "hey, this might be pretty cool. He was good in Predator and he's running for governor, so it cant be that bad." Boy was I wrong. The cover is so misleading. I thought it was supposed to be about space. The only "space" shot is when they show these two guys (which have no real purpose in the movie) talking about Abraxas in a cheesy low budget "science fiction" set.

The whole cover, front and back, looks like it is in space. Even the name Abraxas, Guardian of the UNIVERSE, should denote space and other galaxy related stuff. But no, All I got was an hour an a half of two burly aging men running around in a forest, and screaming and punching each other with no outcome. Boring. Plus there is a few scenes, where Jesse Ventura gets emotional. Made me want to puke.

Ratboy (1986)

My memory has failed me

[3/10 · 13 December 1999]

Long ago, when I was a child, I had seen part of this movie. From what my memory had recalled, I had liked what I'd seen. Boy, was I wrong. I haven't seen this movie anywhere to rent for a long time, and then one day I saw it for sale for a few bucks in some discount bin in a video store. I'd figured I'd pick it up and see what I had missed since my original viewing. I watched it and was not sure what to think about it. First off I hated Sondra Locke. She was not funny, very annoying and had the worst outfits I have ever seen on a woman. The box of this movie promotes it as a comedy. Well I didn't really think that this rating was appropriate, since the only time I laughed was when the actors tried to act. Ratboy has no emotion (which was what the movie was trying to promote), and whenever he talked I couldn't understand what he was saying. Some of the supporting characters were alright, I enjoyed Nipsy Russell and Robert Townshend, and Gerritt Graham and Louie Anderson were okay, I also enjoyed seeing cameos from Bill Maher, John Lovitz and "Diz" from the TV show Out of Control. Other than that I feel that this movie should have never been made. But I cant change the past, so if your in the mood for a boring "comedy", and if you can find this movie anywhere, maybe you should check it out, but I don't recommend it.

Masters of Menace (1990)

Cult Movie?

[10/10 · 8 December 1999]

I dont know if this movie would be considered a cult movie. But I know that it is hilarious. Myself and all my friends all love it. It's one of those movies you catch at some odd time on cable and get pulled in watching it.

Dogma (1999)

Thought Provoking

[10/10 · 14 November 1999]

While seeing this movie, I was often brought into deep thought about the Catholic religion. Not only does Kevin Smith write hilarious comedy, he also can write a good story, with accurate and detailed observations of the Catholic religion. All of the points about the reality of how Catholics (and other religions) view God and religion made me think a lot myself and realize that these things are not what people think they are. Confused? Well, go see the movie, and you'll understand most of what I'm talking about.

Dream a Little Dream 2 (1995 Video)

Huh?

[1/10 · 6 November 1999]

What is this? This movie has nothing to do with the first one except the two main characters, All of a sudden Cory Feldman is dressed like Michael Jackson and Cory Haim tries to see how weird his hair can get in a movie. Truly a tragedy. I must admit, I am a fan of the two Corys but this movie is just so horrible. What does the plot have to do with the original DALD? Magic sunglasses? I know that they aren't getting top-notch scripts here but, PLEASE, read them before signing the contract.

Fight Club (1999)

I am Jack's favorite movie

[10/10 · 18 October 1999]

This movie has it all. Action, humor and a great plot. I don't even know ehere to begin. I've been waiting to see this movie since July, when they pushed it back because of production problems. By the time Oct. 15 came around I was so pumped up for it I became almost obsessed with it before I even saw it. Then, when I did see it, I really became obsessed.

This movie was one of the most original movies I've seen in a good while. I especially enjoyed Brad Pitt as Tyler Durden. He can play the scummiest person and still make me love his character. Ed Norton is equally remarkable as the lead role of the Narrator(Jack). These two had a great chemistry together. I could watch them go about their daily life for weeks upon weeks. I was completely enthralled by the events of their days and nights. The visual work was dark and grimy in most parts which brought out the seediness of the city and it's inhabitants.

I highly recommend that you see this movie. It has all the making of a new classic. Definitely check it out.

Three Kings (1999)

Good movie

[10/10 · 3 October 1999]

This movie was pretty original. I enjoyed the cast, they were very compatible with each other. Not only was this movie funny, it also had a good moral tale to tell. The stylized direction was also very well done. It was different than anything I've seen in a while and also the visuals were gritty and bright, to give the audience the feel of being there with the characters in the desert. This movie also rekindles George Clooney's clout as a movie actor (after Batman Forever and The Peacemaker put a damper on his screen credentials).

Dream a Little Dream 2 (1995 Video)

What is this waste of film stock?

[1/10 · 3 October 1999]

Crap. That is what this movie is. Don't get me wrong, I like cheesy movies and I'm a fan of the Feldman/Haim duo(Lost Boys, License To Drive), but this movie was so stupid. Corey Feldman once again doing his Michael Jackson impression, and Corey Haim trying to get his hair to look as weird as possible. Was there even a plot? Oh yeah, something about a few pairs of "magic sunglasses"(what?). The plot was totally different from the original Dream a Little Dream, so I don't know how this movie interacts with the original. I'm guessing the only reason they made this movie a sequel to the original is because this way people who liked the original would actually think this movie had some redeeming value and waste an hour and a half of their life watching this crap.

Bridge of Dragons (1999)

Decent movie - if you like bad movies

[7/10 · 23 August 1999]

This movie is like many of the recent films that Dolph Lundgren has done in the last couple of years. He hasn't made a real studio film since Johnny Mnemonic, and even in that his part was hardly noticable. This movie sort of sums up his career: A made for video movie that sticks in a re-used plot with a new twist to make it look new, a role which fits Lundgen (musclebound outlaw with a high skill in martial arts, which makes him the best around, of course, and make him go against him former boss because he found he's evil). Anyway, there are a few good fight scenes in the movie, one in particular between him and the heroin of the movie. Of course there are the fake explosions where the helicopter goes off behind the mountain and you see an explosion that's supposed to be real but you know that it's just a budget cut shot. Throw in a Chinese bad guy (Shoa Khan from Mortal Kombat) and you've got yourself a Dolph Lundgren movie, yay!

Kickboxing Academy (1997)

Horrible

[5 May 1999]

Horrible, horrible, horrible. This movie was just horrible. Horrible acting, horrible not-original plot and storyline, and horrible fight scenes. I caught this movie on HBO today and I had to watch it just because I enjoy making fun of horrible movies. About half way into it I got so bored, that I started wondering why this movie was ever made. The young kids in this movie are ugly little brats. The little blond kid had teeth a redneck would be proud of , the nerd looked like Anthony Michael Hall on a really bad day, and the fat kid was just fat. And to make things worse, they had the nerd and fat kid with their shirts off at the beach. It looked like they were the human equivalancy of the number ten. I did laugh though at many of the scenes, including the one kid (Jam) on the bad kickboxing team, who looked like Elliot from E.T. I also laughed at the sensai from the bad team who looked almost identical to Joe Piscopo from Sidekicks(which I'm sure he got his inspiration from for this character). If you want a good laugh and an example of how NOT to make movies, watch this horrible, low-budget, cheesy, not-so-action movie.

Office Space (1999)

Funny, Funny, Funny

[10/10 · 12 April 1999]

This movie was highly entertaining. The cast was excellent. Especially since they had John C. McGinley in it because he can have such a range of acting abilities, from drama to comedy. He was the reason I went and saw this movie in the theater. But when I watched it I enjoyed all the characters in it just as much. Watch this movie.

The Patriot (1998)

Disappointed

[5/10 · 12 April 1999]

I'm sorry, Mr.Seagal. I've been a big fan all these years, and I've enjoyed all your movies, I own them all, but when you stop making action movies which you are so good at, I sort of get disappointed at you. What happened to the great movies like Out For Justice and Above the Law. I dont mind the fact that you add in environmental stuff for a plot such as Fire Down Below and On Deadly Ground, but when use this as the main part of your movie and delete the action/fighting part I get upset. I wonder what is happening to my favorite action star. Why were there only about three punches thrown in The Patriot. Shape Up Seagal.

Tenacious D (1997–2000)

Tenacious D Rocks

[8 April 1999]

Tenacious D is a different kind of show. It revolves around a pair of guys who apparently have no jobs and whose lives revolve around going to the local bar on open mike night and playing together and calling themselves Tenacious D. I have no idea what that name means, though. A lot of the jokes are inside jokes between the two cast members (Kyle Gass and Jack Black). Although you kind of get the idea of what they mean by some of the made up words and phrases that they use (i.e. poops MgGee). The songs that they play have lyrics that are hilarious but also the songs have a great melody to them, not just some crap that sounds bad. It sounds GOOD and so does the vocals of Jack Black, who really has a great voice. So, if you like Mr. Show on HBO (Bob and Dave from Mr. Show produce this series), then there's a good chance that you'll like the offbeat humor that Tenacious D has.