- Amy: Men are insecure enough about their penises. There's no need to bring the whole animal kingdom into it.
- Ed: That's it. I'm done with women. They're evil. You know, I'd be gay if it wasn't for the sex thing.
- John: Tell me a secret. Tell me the weirdest thing you've ever done, something that you wouldn't tell anybody.
- Amy: I had never had sex with Linda or any other woman. The idea of sex without a penis is like a sandwich without the meat.
- Amy: You wrestled another woman in your underwear while Elvis beat off... and you didn't even get laid?
- Amy: [voiceover] It's important to lie. It's trying to live up to the lies that we tell about ourselves that makes us better people.