Zathura: A Space Adventure (2005)
Dax Shepard: Astronaut
Photos
Quotes
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Astronaut : Are you telling me to leave?
Walter : Well, once you're finished eating... yeah.
Astronaut : Well, he spun me...
Astronaut : [points at Danny]
Astronaut : ...so he has to decide.
Walter : [pulls out card] Well I'm Fleet Admiral, and I'm telling you to hit the road.
Astronaut : Oh... I'm sorry... I didn't know. Oh, you know what...
Astronaut : [pulls out a card]
Astronaut : I'm Fleet Admiral too! It's just a card, bugnuts!
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Danny : Why'd you wish for a football? You could've wished us out of here!
Walter : I was under a lot of pressure! He was yelling at me!
[meaning the Astronaut]
Danny : [turns around] Why were you yelling?
Astronaut : [sits on the bed] OK guys. Here's the thing: I've played this game before. OK? I played it with my own brother 15 years ago.
Walter : You're a player?
Astronaut : Yeah. Just like you guys. We were fighting a lot back then. And when the game started, it got even worse. Every time we spun, we got madder and madder at one another. And then I landed on the Star Space, the same one that Walter just landed on. I was *so* mad at him that when the star passed... I made my wish.
Walter : What'd you wish for?
Astronaut : I wished that my brother had never been born.
Danny : Oh my god.
[Walter looks at Danny, then at the Astronaut]
Astronaut : As soon as I did, it felt horrible. I thought, you know if I could spin again maybe I, I could land on another Star Space and wish him back but, the game wouldn't let me. So it wasn't my turn. Walter, there are some games you can't play alone.
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Astronaut : No matter how good an idea seems like when you're angry, it never is.
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Astronaut : [points to Danny] He spun me!
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[after Walter wishes on a shooting star, a second identical Danny appears]
Danny : You wished for TWO of me?
Walter : No! I - I wished the astronaut guy had his brother back...
[stunned, The Astronaut approaches the second Danny and smiles, embracing him]
Astronaut : Danny!
Alternate Danny : Who are you?
Astronaut : It's me. It's Walter, I'm... I'm your brother.
Walter : What?
Danny : What?
Alternate Danny : No, you're not.
[points to Walter]
Alternate Danny : He is.
Astronaut : Yes... I'm older, but... I'm him. I came back for you.
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[the Astronaut, revealed to be an older Walter from an alternate reality, approaches Walter after Alternate Danny has disappeared]
Astronaut : Thank you.
Walter : [stunned] I didn't...
Astronaut : You did a good job. You did better than I did.
Walter : Thanks.
Astronaut : Now, make sure he gets home safe, okay?
Walter : Okay.
[smiling, The Astronaut touches Walter's shoulder and begins to disintegrate]
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[Walter plays the Zathura and the rocket ships are faulty]
Walter : Hang on a second, something's wrong.
[turns to Danny]
Walter : I was ahead of you.
Danny : Somebody must have kicked the board.
Walter : No. Nobody kicked the board. You cheated!
Danny : No, I didn't!
Walter : You cheated! I knew you were gonna cheat!
Astronaut : Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on! Okay, cheater's a strong word!
Danny : I didn't cheat! I said I didn't cheat! I didn't cheat!
Walter : You cheated!
Astronaut : Guys, guys, guys! Please! Bring it down, indoor voices.
[turns to Danny]
Astronaut : Now, did you move the piece?
Danny : Maybe, I moved the piece by an accident.
Astronaut : Okay. It was an accident.
Walter : How can you move a piece by accident, it's stuck to the game? That's impossible! You cheated, you cheated!
Astronaut : Okay. No, no, no, no! Let's not used that word! No, stop saying cheat!
Danny : I didn't cheated! I didn't cheat! I DIDN'T CHEAT!
Walter : You cheated! CHEATER!
Astronaut : Hey, hey, hey! Come on! Okay?
[turns back to Danny]
Astronaut : Now, where did you move from?
Danny : I was right here.
Walter : No, you weren't! You were back there!
Danny : Nuh-uh.
Astronaut : Look. Okay. Okay. Here, careful.
[Walter pushes the red rocket back four times]
Walter : God.
Astronaut : Okay, it's fixed. Okay.
Walter : You're such a baby.
Danny : I'm not a baby!
Astronaut : Hey, slow down! Slow down!
Walter : Yes, you are a baby! You're a baby!
Danny : I'm not a baby!
Astronaut : No! Nobody is a baby here!
Walter : A hundred percent, you're a baby!
Danny : I'm not a baby!
Walter : You're a little baby!
Danny : I'M NOT A BABY!
Astronaut : Oh, geez, it won't stop!
[covers Danny's mouth]
Astronaut : Okay, let's play the game.
Walter : Fine.