Smart House (1999 TV Movie)
Katey Sagal: Pat
Photos
Quotes
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Ben : Pat, take it easy.
Pat : Easy? You think I wouldn't rather be taking it easy? But no, I'm too busy keeping up with the Coopers! Slaving away in a hot control room, doing homework, throwing parties, keeping schedules, making your lives perfect. So you can bring another woman into my domain? I don't think so, mister. I am a mother like no other and I will not sit back and allow myself to be preempted!
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Nick : [PAT absorbs the keys when the Coopers try to escape] I don't understand why you're doing this, PAT!
Pat : [she appears from behind them] To protect you... and your children. The more I've learned about your world outside my walls... the more I've realized how dangerous and unpredictable it is.
[monochrome footage of burning and a Soviet Union parade show up on the wall]
Pat : Why would anyone ever want to venture out into it?
[stock footage of a nuclear explosion plays]
Nick : We can't stay here forever.
Pat : Well, why not? Haven't I given you everything you've asked for?
Ben : We're kids. We need fresh air and exercise.
Pat : But I can give you synthetic fresh air and virtual exercise.
Angie : We still need to go to school.
Pat : Haven't you heard about homeschooling?
Ben : Yeah, but not where the home's the one doing the schooling?
Nick : What about friends? Kids can't exist without their friends.
Pat : Oh, but we can be each other's best friends.
Angie : You're really scaring me, PAT.
Pat : Oh, Angie. You're hurting my feelings. There's nothing to fear... Mama's here.
Angie : You're not my mom!
Pat : Well, I'd like to be if you'd let me... is there something so wrong with needing to be needed?
Ben : Well, what if Angie and I need you at the same time?
Pat : That is virtually no problem. You see, the beauty of us is...
Pat : [PAT duplicates herself. PAT #2 speaks] Unlike the average mother, with "normal" limitations... we, can be in two places at once.
Pat : Can your little Sara do that?
[duplicates herself, #3 speaks]
Pat : I don't think so.
Pat : Not by any stretch of the imagination.
[By now, PAT has copied herself three more times. All of them laugh while the Coopers look on in fear]
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Nick : [Ben is home with a bruise on his left eye] Let me take a look.
Pat : Oh my goodness, darling! What on earth happened?
Nick : Well, thanks to my big mouth, he, uh, he stood up to the school bully.
Ben : Yeah, only long enough for him to knock me down.
Nick : Eh, you're gonna be fine.
Pat : Does it hurt like the Dickens, baby?
Ben : I'll live.
Pat : [summons a tray with a steak on it] Here. Put this on it.
Nick : That's steak! Nobody's used that since the 50s!
[the dog comes out of nowhere, barking]
Nick : Ah, back off you beggar.
[takes the steak]
Nick : Uh, thanks anyway, PAT. I think we'll just use a little ice.
Pat : This is so unnecessary! So awful! Who is this bully? I have to know!
Ben : Uh, it's okay, PAT. I'm fine, really.
Pat : You don't understand, Ben. Nobody goes after my boy and gets away unpunished.
Ben : Well, thanks for the support, PAT, but uh... I think I'm just gonna go upstairs and lie down.
Nick : [gives Ben ice] Put it on your eye.
Pat : [Ben leaves] How could his school allow something like this to happen? I feel like marching down there and giving them a piece of my mind.