- Jessica: I've taken the liberty of separating the boys at Sweet Valley High into different categories of desirability. Now these guys are warm, sensitive, and have high GPA's. Losers! Feel free to pass them on to Enid. Now, these guys have hot bodies, great cars, and cool hair.
- Elizabeth: That sounds good.
- Jessica: On second thought, I'll keep these for myself. You can have my rejects.
- Jessica: I'm glad Bruce didn't ask for his keys back from when I worked here
- Lila: Yeah. Now instead of breaking and entering, we're just entering.
- Winston: That doesn't sound like Liz.
- Todd: Whose side are you on?
- Winston: Oh, no. I do not take sides when it comes to break-ups.
- Shred: Yeah, but who do you think is right, Liz or Todd?
- Lila: Am I invisible, or do you need new glasses?
- Winston: I can see you. Unfortunately, I can hear you also.
- Todd: I know. Remember how mad she got last year when you beat her?
- Elizabeth: She gave me the silent treatment for a month.
- Todd: Now that was a great month, wasn't it?
- Enid: Mr. Wiseman, I've never cheated on anything in my life. Well except the time i was on the grapefruit diet and I ate a banana.
- Officer: You were speeding and you ran the sign.
- Jessica: If I was speeding, how was I supposed to read the sign?
- Jessica: So? We'd be perfect. With my good looks, and your...ability to look like me, we're unstoppable!
- Jessica: Liz, my future's in your hands. If you say no now, I may never get on TV. I could wind up just like every other random nobody out there, only more beautiful.
- Todd: I saw my life pass before my eyes. It was a very short movie, and you were in every scene.