- [Natalie and Nicola ponder having children]
- Natalie: Well, I wouldn't fancy bringing one up on me own.
- Nicola: It's better to be on your own than be with a bastard.
- Natalie: Well, presumably you wouldn't *choose* a bastard in the first place if you had any sense!
- Nicola: All men are bastards!
- Natalie: *What*?
- Nicola: They're all potential rapists!
- Natalie: That's a bit sweeping!
- Nicola: All men have got the ability to rape.
- Natalie: Well they don't all do it, do they!
- Nicola: But they've got the ability; they've got the desire.
- Natalie: That's paranoid rubbish!
- Nicola: What d'you know about paranoia?
- Natalie: Well, not half as much as you do, I'll give you that.
- Patsy: [in a pub after a few beers] Far as I'm concerned, football died, the day Arsenal won the double.
- Andy: That's right, yeah.
- Patsy: What was they? Work horses.
- Andy: Boring buggers, ain't they.
- Patsy: Well the Spurs double team? They was artists.
- Andy: They was artists.
- Patsy: 21 quid a week they got. Can you imagine? What do they get today? Millions.
- Andy: And they got their back handers on top of that ain't they.
- Patsy: Poncing round the penalty area with their handbags.
- Andy: Prima donnas.
- Patsy: "Oh, he kicked a me, Ref."
- Andy: Brown, Baker, Henry,
- [both]
- Andy: Blanchflower
- Patsy: Yeah, Danny boy.
- Andy: Yeah.
- Patsy: He was the architect of the modern game, y'know.
- Andy: That's right, yeah.
- Patsy: Norman, Mackay, Jones, White, Smith, Allen,
- [both]
- Patsy: Dyson.
- Andy: Yeah, come on you Spurs.
- Patsy: John White, what a player, eh.
- Andy: Yeah.
- Patsy: I used to have a little picture of him on my wall, ringed in black.
- Patsy: Tragic. What a way to go.
- Andy: Struck by lightening.
- Patsy: On a golf course.
- Andy: What a waste, eh. You want another?
- Nicola's Lover: I want to see you nice.
- Nicola: Well what's nice? it's only a boring cliche.
- Nicola's Lover: No, nice. Nice. Show me a bit of civility, a bit of respect.
- Nicola: You don't show me no respect!
- Nicola's Lover: I'm trying to respect you now. Trying to treat you like a real person Instead of some fucking - shag bag.
- Nicola: Stop being antagonistic.
- Nicola's Lover: I'm not being antagonistic. I'm trying to have an intelligent conversation with you. Are you capable of that? Eh? I don't think you are, are you? Really. Bit vacant, aint ya? Bit of an air-head. Nothing going on. Bit dumb. Bit dizzy. Dimbo, bimbo. Dumb blondster, ain't ya? Eh, hello. Anyone at home? Hello? Hello? You're a fake.
- Nicola: I am intelligent.
- Nicola: You'll find out when you get to America.
- Natalie: I'm only going on a holiday.
- Nicola: So?
- Natalie: What? You think I'm going to get yanked off the plane at John F. Kennedy airport and be raped and pillaged do ya?
- Nicola: You've got to be on your guard.
- Natalie: Did you hear what I just said?
- Nicola: What?
- Natalie: Yanked. Get it?
- Nicola: What?
- Natalie: Yanked! America!
- Nicola: I'm not going to waste my life.
- Andy: No? What're you doing now then? Contributing a great deal aren't you sitting around on your arse all day.
- Nicola: Yeah, well I'm thinking about it.
- Andy: Oh yeah thinking about it that's the easy bit isn't it? Anyone can do that. It's doing it that's difficult.
- Wendy: If you smoked less and you ate more you wouldn't be sitting there looking like a skeleton.
- Nicola: It's better than looking like a beached whale.
- Wendy: Oh, thank you. Anyway your Dad likes something to grab hold of over the night.
- Nicola: What? Blubber?
- Wendy: No. Me little love handles. We got a set each ain't we, Andy?
- Nicola: Oh, you're disgusting!
- Wendy: Why didn't you tell me Aubrey was here? You knew I was sitting out the back.
- Nicola: No, I never.
- Wendy: Yes, you did.
- Nicola: Are you calling me a liar?
- Wendy: Yes I am calling you a liar.
- Nicola: I thought you had gone for a walk.
- Wendy: Don't be so stupid. I've never been for a walk in me life. Have I?
- Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: It's alright by me if they don't want to eat. They can bask in the atmosphere.
- Wendy: Oh, blimey, you're not going to make much profit that way Aubrey.
- Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: [singing] No, No regrets, No, No regret rien
- Wendy: [talking] Oh, yeah, that's what I remember, yeah.
- Nicola: She sang it in French!
- Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: Yeah, she was from France.
- Nicola: She was thin.
- Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: She was thin, she was French.
- Wendy: She's dead though, isn't she?
- Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: Yeah, she was a prostitute.
- Nicola: So!
- Natalie: Shut up.
- Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: The sparrow.
- Wendy: Yeah, the little sparrow, that's right, yeah.
- Patsy: I promise you Andy, you go down White Hart Lane on a Saturday for the home games, a man of your skills, a couple of hundred beef burgers, you'll make a fortune. I'm telling you. "Excuse me guvnor, I'll have 4 hamburgers, 3 egg burgers, a sausage roll and onion, a bacon egg and cheese roll, a tea, a bovril, and a large vodka." Sold to the man with the beard!
- Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: It's alright Andy, Wendy. Everything's hunky dory. Cool. I'm in complete control. If ever I see her again I'll stick a knife in her guts. I'll slice her face off, y'know.
- Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: To be totally honest, Andy, I think Wendy will be a natural, y'know. She's got such grace and charm.
- Wendy: Thank you, Aubrey.
- Andy: Excuse me are we talking about the same girl?
- Wendy: [laughs] Don't be rotten.
- Andy: Where's she going?
- Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: Flipping Prague!
- Wendy: Awww, that's not right.
- Andy: No, that's not on, mate.
- Wendy: No, sorry.
- Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: It's great, isn't it? You give someone a break, a chance to better themselves, an opportunity to enter into a brave new venture, and what do they do? Piss off to Poland!
- Wendy: Well, that's typical Aussie isn't it? Travelers.
- Andy: Students.
- Wendy: It's Czechoslovakia isn't it, Prague?
- Andy: Yeah, is it?
- Wendy: Now, listen, you're in trouble, right? And I'm helping you out. 'Cause that's what friends are for. That's right, isn't it Andy?
- Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: It's it's amazing!
- Andy: But you haven't even done bar work Wendy, let's be honest.
- Wendy: No, but I'm confident. I can have a go.
- Andy: Let's face it, have you ever been a waitress?
- Wendy: No.
- Andy: No.
- Wendy: But, I've been waiting on you all these years haven't I? So?
- Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: I achieved this effect by, eh, gently, easing, teasing and squeezing.
- Wendy: Oh don't be so dirty!
- [laughs]
- Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: I want this restaurant to be built on a one-to-one, mouth-to-mouth reputation, y'know.