Ishtar (1987)
Warren Beatty: Lyle Rogers
Photos
Quotes
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Chuck Clarke : Stupid-ass camel! He'd rather sit there and die!
Lyle Rogers : You know, I kind of admire that.
Chuck Clarke : Me too.
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Chuck Clarke : l lived with my parents till l was 32. l've just dribbled my life away.
Lyle Rogers : Hey, it takes a lot of nerve to have nothing at your age, don't you understand that? Most guys'd be ashamed, but you've got the guts to just say 'to hell with it'. You say that you'd rather have nothing than settle for less. Understand?
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Chuck Clarke : [singing] I feel so small when I look at the stars. How big is Venus?
Lyle Rogers : [singing] How big is Mars?
Chuck Clarke : I feel so small when I look at the sky. How big is HEAVEEEEN?
Lyle Rogers : How big am I?
Army Man : Applaud!
[Army table goes nuts]
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Lyle Rogers : What a smuck I was...
Chuck Clarke : Schmuck! It's not smuck. Schmuck!
Lyle Rogers : Smuck!
Chuck Clarke : [loud] Schmuck!
Lyle Rogers : Sssssssssmuck!
Chuck Clarke : Say "ssshhhh"
Lyle Rogers : Ssshhhhhh.
Chuck Clarke : Now say "muck".
Lyle Rogers : [soft] Muck.
Chuck Clarke : Now say "ssshhh" and "muck" together real fast.
Lyle Rogers : Smuck!
Chuck Clarke : ...Closer.
Lyle Rogers : You really know the lingo.
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Lyle Rogers : Hot fudge love, cherry-ripple kisses. Lip-smacking, back-slappin', perfectly delicious.
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Chuck Clarke : You mean you bought a camel?
Lyle Rogers : No, I didn't really buy it. They *sold* it to me!
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Lyle Rogers : You didn't have to leave with me, now I've spoiled the night for you.
Chuck Clarke : You gotta give yourself a break! You've never been out with anyone but your wife.
Lyle Rogers : Yeah, but you gotta have the looks, Chuck. I mean, you walk into a place like that and girls just want ya, ya know, ya got that kinda face. Kinda mean lookin' but with character. And the way you walk, you can only do that with a small body! Didya ever hear of a big sports car? I mean, if I'd look like you -...
Chuck Clarke : Oh, you so idealize me!
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Chuck Clarke : Take one sip at a time. That water has to last you about another 48 minutes.
Lyle Rogers : Why, what happens then?
Chuck Clarke : We run out of water.
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Chuck Clarke : Is this the oasis?
Lyle Rogers : Does this look like an oasis to you?
Chuck Clarke : Yeah, look at the birds.
[He takes a good look at them]
Chuck Clarke : Are those vultures?
Lyle Rogers : Yeah.
Chuck Clarke : You mean they're here on spec?
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Lyle Rogers : Chuck, this isn't really a good time to get depressed.
Chuck Clarke : You're right, I don't know what's wrong with me.
Lyle Rogers : Look at the upside: we're not livin' lives of quiet desperation.
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Shirra Assel : Listen to me. Your roommate is a ClA agent. The room may be wired. He gave me his passport in lshtar.
Lyle Rogers : [trying to pickup Shirra from the ground who is disguised as a boy] Are these breasts?
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Chuck Clarke : [Chuck and Lyle are songwriting at the bar after closing time] Can't we just have half an hour?
Bartender : Half an hour? Half an hour like the last half hour?
Chuck Clarke : [to Lyle] Hey, how about, how about "Give me half an hour like the last half hour"
Lyle Rogers : [Playing furiously] Give me half an hour!
Chuck Clarke : Like the last half-hour!
Lyle Rogers : Give me half an hour!
Chuck Clarke : Like the last half-hour!
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Lyle Rogers : Nothing ever happened to us. And now we're going to die out in the desert shootin' at helicopters.
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Lyle Rogers , Chuck Clarke : [singing] Telling the truth can be dangerous business; / Honest and popular don't go hand in hand. / If you admit that you play the accordion, / No one will hire you in a rock 'n' roll band. / But we can sing out hearts out. / And if we're lucky, then no neighbors complain. / Because life is the way we audition for God; / Let us pray that we all get the job.
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Chuck Clarke : (singing) Because of yourself, you don't know what I am.
Lyle Rogers : What?
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Lyle Rogers : But we're not singers, we're songwriters.
Marty Freed : So? The Beach Boys weren't songwriters. Anthony Newley isn't a songwriter?
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Chuck Clarke : Hello...
Lyle Rogers : Hello...
Chuck Clarke : Baby...
Lyle Rogers : Baby...
Chuck Clarke : Love you...
Lyle Rogers : Love you...
Chuck Clarke : Baby...
Lyle Rogers : Baby...
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Chuck Clarke : [Dancing frenetically] Darlin'! Oh my little darlin'! Where... are-are you?
Lyle Rogers : [Rigid at his microphone] Hoopa-hoopa-hoopa.
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Lyle Rogers : He's pointing a gun at us!
Chuck Clarke : Will you stop being paranoid?
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Lyle Rogers : A lot of people don't have someone to go out on a ledge for them.
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Chuck Clarke : What do you say we get this show on the road?
Lyle Rogers : Honduras?
Chuck Clarke : Morocco, it's safer.
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Lyle Rogers : [stranded in the desert] Oh God! We're going to miss our show!
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Lyle Rogers : Look at that, Simon & Garfunkel's "Greatest Hits".
Chuck Clarke : Lyle, ''Dangerous Business'' is as good as anything they ever wrote.
Lyle Rogers : You think so?
Chuck Clarke : Sure. The only thing that Simon & Garfunkel or Bruce Springsteen or any of these guys have that we don't have is an agent.
Lyle Rogers : You think so?
Chuck Clarke : "Dangerous Business'' is as good as ''Bridge Over Troubled Water'' any day of the week.
Lyle Rogers : You think so?
Chuck Clarke : l'm telling you, if we get an agent, we get a record album.
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Marty Freed : l also can get you ten weeks in Morocco at 950 dirham a week. That's $95 in American money. Unfortunately, l can only get you airfare from the Canary lslands.
Chuck Clarke : Ah, l'll call you about it in the morning.
Lyle Rogers : Me too.
Marty Freed : Want me to drive you anywhere?
Chuck Clarke : No, thanks. l'm gonna walk around for a while. l want to do some thinking.
Lyle Rogers : Me too.
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Lyle Rogers : Oh, l don't know what to do now. l - I - I don't know what to do without Willa. We've been married since we were 17. l never even dated anybody but Willa. Oh, Willa.
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Chuck Clarke , Lyle Rogers : [singing] Software, I'm looking for software, I gotta have software, For my machine!
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Lyle Rogers : He's not a ClA agent, he's a songwriter.
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U.S. Consul : This country's on the brink of civil war.
Lyle Rogers : No, no! This is it! This is the end!
Chuck Clarke : Easy. Calm down, Lyle.
Lyle Rogers : We're gonna lose our booking. We're gonna be cancelled. We're gonna be fired! We're gonna be stuck here in lshtar with no money, no job!
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Chuck Clarke : l bet we could have any woman in this club.
Lyle Rogers : Not me. Women don't like me.
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Chuck Clarke , Lyle Rogers : [singing] Hello, Ishtar, You're more than a country, You're a state of mind, Hello, Morocco, You're equally pretty, You're never gonna get left behind
Chuck Clarke : Hello romance
Lyle Rogers : Hello adventure...
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Lyle Rogers : [singing/composing new song] She said come look there's a... she said come look there's a wardrobe of love in my eyes...
Lyle Rogers : Take your time, look around and see if there's something your size...