- Michael McPhee: He's gonna go into philosophy.
- Nora McPhee: Why?
- Michael McPhee: 'Cause that's what he wanted.
- Nora McPhee: Who told you that?
- Michael McPhee: Mr. Wittgenstein.
- Nora McPhee: Who's Mr. Wittgenstein?
- Michael McPhee: Mr. Parker.
- Nora McPhee: Mr. Parker is Mr. Wittgenstein?
- [doorbell rings]
- Nora McPhee: Umm... oh... what did he tell you?... Look, don't go into uhh, what's his name's room. I think there's something severely wrong with him!
- [doorbell again]
- Max Dugan: Uh, do you want me to get that?
- Nora McPhee: It's the police!
- Max Dugan: Nevermind.
- Nora McPhee: Michael, go do your homework...
- [to Max]
- Nora McPhee: There isn't something in his room that does his homework is there?
- Nora McPhee: Listen. I'm trying to keep so many people happy, all at the same time, and I'm not one of them. But don't give up on me. I'm worth it, I promise.
- Max Dugan: Damn it. I blew it. I could be sitting on a sandy white beach in Brazil right now, drinking Piña Coladas and fornicating my way stright to heaven.
- Max Dugan: Life hasn't been all that wonderful to you, has it Nora?
- Nora McPhee: I take what comes along.
- Max Dugan: Well, why don't you take the good as well as the bad?
- Nora McPhee: When it comes from the same place I get a little suspicious.
- Max Dugan: How do you know I'm Max Dugan?
- Nora McPhee: You *told* me you were.
- Max Dugan: I told you a lot of things, but so far you haven't liked any of them, so I'll keep on telling new ones until you pick out one you like.
- Nora McPhee: What if we went away together, all of us - to New Mexico, or Arizona. I could teach, get a job , just until...
- Max Dugan: And the detective?
- Nora McPhee: He's more interested in getting his man than his woman.
- Max Dugan: You'd do that for me? Why?
- Nora McPhee: I'd miss your pancakes in the morning.
- Max Dugan: You've grown into an extraordinary young woman, Nora, and *I* deserve all the credit. If I didn't abandoned you, *God* knows what would have happened to you?
- Brian Costello: Tell me something. Do you think I'm corrupt?
- Nora McPhee: Aren't we all - just a little bit?
- [last lines]
- Michael McPhee: [seeing the Mercedes drive by] It that?
- Nora McPhee: My God, he's gonna drive to Brazil.
- Nora McPhee: [waving] So long pop...
- Michael McPhee: [looking at the new refrigerator] It has an ice crusher!
- Nora McPhee: Don't crush ice! Don't crush anything! It's a mistake! It doesn't belong to us!
- Max Dugan: My name isn't Parker.
- Michael McPhee: Its not?
- Max Dugan: No. Its Wittgenstein.
- Michael McPhee: Wittgenstein?
- Max Dugan: Gus Wittgenstein.
- Max Dugan: Maybe I'm your father, but you're not my daughter. Do you know what Kierkegaard once said?
- Nora McPhee: Yes! And I'm not interested in any more of your roommates!
- Nora McPhee: [Regarding the motorbike that Brian has loaned to her] I don't have it anymore, it was stolen in the parking lot.
- [Brian slowly starts to sink toward the ground]
- Nora McPhee: But I told the police. I'm surprised they didn't tell you.
- Brian Costello: They tell me when other vehicles are stolen. They don't tell me when it's mine.
- Max Dugan: [Mike points the camcorder at Max] No, Mike, not me.
- Michael McPhee: Why not?
- Max Dugan: Well, certain primitive tribes believe that pictures steal your soul, and I don't have too much soul.
- Nora McPhee: I have to go. I have to live my life. I have to appear calm and intelligent, I am dating a person. We will discuss this when I get home.
- Max Dugan: You won it.
- Nora McPhee: What?
- Max Dugan: On a TV show.
- Nora McPhee: I was never on a TV show!
- Max Dugan: It was one of those TV shows you don't have to be on. I was finishing up the breakfast dishes when there's a knock at the door , and in comes a lawyer with a blue suit...
- Nora McPhee: No.
- Max Dugan: No?
- Nora McPhee: No, no. I don't think I won this, I never won anything in my life. This is a mistake!
- Max Dugan: But it had your name and address on the invoice. I signed for you. Now, she'll probably have to go down and do a few publicity pictures but the stuff is yours.
- Michael McPhee: Maybe it's on the six o'clock news!
- Nora McPhee: It's not on the six o'clock news, just turn that off and put everything down... a man with a blue suit, huh?
- Brian Costello: Did you leave the vehicle unlocked?
- Nora McPhee: I just told you they broke into it last month. The locks didn't work.
- Brian Costello: On each side of the vehicle?
- Nora McPhee: Why do you keep calling it a vehicle, it's hardly even a car.
- Brian Costello: Don't you watch TV? We all talk like that.
- Nora McPhee: [about lost test papers] I'm sorry, look at it this way. For those that passed, they're not going to have any trouble passing again, and for those that fail, who have an extra night to study.
- Luis: Shit!
- Nora McPhee: This is English, Luis, save that discussion for Biology.
- Mrs. Litke: [about house remodeling] They raise the teacher's salary this year?
- Nora McPhee: No, no, no. I've been doing private tutoring in the evening.
- Mrs. Litke: Mm, who you tutoring, Arabs?
- Brian Costello: Who is the man living in your house?
- Nora McPhee: What man?
- Brian Costello: This man.
- [holding a picture of Max]
- Brian Costello: Mr. Parker. Does odd jobs, he tells me. Came 10 days ago wearing a black hat, black coat, carrying a black satchel. Mrs. Litke is more dependable than the CIA.
- Nora McPhee: Can't you stop being a cop for five minutes and just be a friend?
- Brian Costello: No, that's why I don't have too many friends.
- Nora McPhee: Well, if it's one less you want, you're doing a terrific job...
- Nora McPhee: [cheering at ball game] Come on, Michael! For Spinoza, Sophocles, Aristotle!
- Another Mother: She doesn't even know the names of her own team.