Victor/Victoria (1982)
Alex Karras: 'Squash' Bernstein
Photos
Quotes
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King Marchand : [being pursued by an enraged Norma, who is foaming at the mouth. Squash gets out of bed] Look out!
Norma : YOU SON OF A BITCH!
[throws a vase]
'Squash' Bernstein : Now, Norma...
Norma : NOBODY PUTS SOAP IN MY MOUTH, NOT EVEN MY MOTHER!
[throws a flower pot]
'Squash' Bernstein : You're being very childish...
Norma : I'M GONNA KILL HIM! I'M GONNA KILL YOU TOO, YOU BIG, MUSCLE-BOUND...
[throws another flower pot]
'Squash' Bernstein : Now, listen you have to learn to control yourself...
Norma : OH! I'LL KILL...
[grabs an ornamental spear and charges]
'Squash' Bernstein : Oh, SHIT!
Norma : THIS IS IT! I'M GONNA KILL YOU...
[Squash runs into the bathroom with King just as Norma rams the door]
Norma : LET ME IN THERE!
King Marchand : You and your ideas! "Why don't you take her to Paris with you, Boss?"
'Squash' Bernstein : I just thought she'd help you relax!
King Marchand : NEVER help me relax!
'Squash' Bernstein : Then send her home!
King Marchand : Why don't you ever come up with a really good idea?
'Squash' Bernstein : For instance?
King Marchand : YOU send her home!
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'Squash' Bernstein : In one fell swoop you've changed my whole life.
King Marchand : It wasn't *that* kind of swoop.
'Squash' Bernstein : Listen, if a guy like you can have the guts to admit that he's gay,
[pause]
'Squash' Bernstein : then so can I.
[kisses King]
'Squash' Bernstein : You've made me very happy!
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King Marchand : [working out at a gym] Hey, Squash...
'Squash' Bernstein : Yeah?
King Marchand : Can I ask you a... personal question?
'Squash' Bernstein : Go ahead.
King Marchand : How long, I mean... exactly when did you know you...
'Squash' Bernstein : How long have I been gay?
King Marchand : Yeah.
'Squash' Bernstein : Oh, God, I can't remember when I wasn't!
King Marchand : I've known you for fifteen years...
'Squash' Bernstein : You know a lot of guys, boss, you'd be surprised.
King Marchand : But, you were all-American! I never saw a rougher, tougher, meaner, sonofabitch football player in all my life.
'Squash' Bernstein : Boss, if you didn't want the guys to call you queer, you became a rough tough sonofabitchin' football player.
King Marchand : [suddenly colliding with a large man and his companion] Why don't you watch where you're going, huh?
Large Man's Companion : [after translating to the Large Man in French] He says that it was your fault and suggests that you apologize.
King Marchand : Oh, he does, does he?
'Squash' Bernstein : Come on, boss...
King Marchand : No, no, no...
[to Companion]
King Marchand : Well, you tell him if he'd like an apology, he can just get him some gloves and I'll see him in the ring.
Large Man's Companion : [translating] Just give him ten minutes. He will be delighted to oblige.
[they walk off]
King Marchand : "He'll be delighted to oblige." Who the hell does he think he is?
'Squash' Bernstein : Guy Langois, the French middleweight boxing champion.
[King freezes]
'Squash' Bernstein : But don't worry!
[whispers]
'Squash' Bernstein : He's gay.
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'Squash' Bernstein : [covered with snow, to a man opening his hotel room door] Do you have heat?
[the man nods]
'Squash' Bernstein : Oh, you're lucky!
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'Squash' Bernstein : Apparently the mob doesn't find homosexuality to be an acceptable lifestyle...
Toddy : Kill him, but mustn't kiss him.
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King Marchand : Stick around, I might want to play some golf.
'Squash' Bernstein : Boss, it's snowing outside!
King Marchand : We'll use red balls.